This Indecision’s Buggin’ Me

In February, I knew what I was going to do this fall: Have a baby. But in March, I had a miscarriage. Then in May, I lost my newsletter job, which took me about four hours a week and paid well. About the same time, by babysitter told me that she has to quit in September, when her daughter goes to first grade.

Deciding to take the summer “off,” just worrying about me, my house and the kids for a few months, was easy. Deciding what to do this fall, not so much.

My four options are:

• Work at Williams-Sonoma. My friend works there during her summers off from teaching. I stopped in to see her, and mentioned that, in 11 years of marriage, my husband and I have not accumulated one piece of silver or china, table linens, or what one might term “serving ware.” She said I could work there for the holidays, and that Williams-Sonoma gives their employees a 40 percent discount(!).

Pro: The job would be stress free. No babysitter required, I'd work nights and weekends.
Con: I’d be working at the mall, and might run in to former high school classmates.

Pro: I love the stuff Williams-Sonoma sells.
Con: I’d spend all the money I earned on the stuff Williams-Sonoma sells.

• Write at home for a healthcare marketing firm. My former boss has been offering me writing work for YEARS. And I would be writing, professionally even.

Pro: I would earn a decent hourly wage.
Con: I would have to hire a new babysitter. I HATE hiring new babysitters. Someday I’ll tell you all about it.

Pro: Since the firm has so much work, it could be a steady and varied writing gig for months or years to come.
Con: Since I’m new at this type of writing (and since I have to hire a new sitter), the job could be stressful, with weekend-erasing deadlines and sleepless nights wondering if I can schedule my 10-year-old neighbor to watch my kids so I can work a few more hours. In terms of “no stress,” this would be a step backward.

• Work as a writing coach for an online writing program. One of my “dream lives” is to teach writing and write fiction myself. This would be a step in that direction.

Pro: Since I’ve never coached or taught or tutored writing before, this would be a resume builder.
Con: Since I don’t own Adobe Acrobat, I would have to spend $350 to buy it before I could start work. I don’t have $350.

Pro: I could work from home for as little as five hours a week.
Con: I could make, after taxes, as little as $6 an hour.

• Do nothing. Just take care of the kids, the house, and myself.

Pro: I’ve been debating home schooling, so this could be an opportunity to try it out.
Con: We’ve already decided to send my oldest to school through kindergarten, to see how he does. So I could be losing my last few years to work before beginning home schooling.

Pro: I could spend a lot of time -- Monday to Friday, 7 am to 6:30 pm – with my kids.
Con: See above.

These options are overshadowed by three things:
• We’re broke.
• I will most likely become pregnant sometime in the next six months.
• I want a decent quality of life. I realize life can’t be no stress, but I don’t want to do something that will create unnecessary stress.

What I really want is for my babysitter not to quit, and for things to stay just as they are now. But since that’s just a dream, I’ve got to make a decision. The more I mull the options, the more I realize I have no idea what to do. And the longer I take making up my mind, the fewer options I will have.