10 Scariest Things

I read Chana's list over at Bunny Burrow last night, and it gave me a good laugh, so I had to try one of my own.

The Top 10 Things That Scare Me
10. Most bugs more than 1 ½ inches long
9. Theresa Heinz Kerry
8. Vomiting toddlers
7. Rabid, vicious cats or woodland animals
6. Forming jowls as I age
5. Chronic skin disorders
4. Car accidents
3. Cancer
2. Being haunted, as in The Shining or The Sixth Sense
1. Getting attacked by a rapist/murderer while out or while home alone at night

The Longest, Most Painful Presidential Campaign Ever to Afflict Humanity

When’s the election over? Tuesday? Could you just knock me out until Tuesday? Because I cannot take this anymore.

Every day, something pisses me off. I mean, I’ll start surfing on Blog Explosion, start reading a site, start enjoying myself, and then – BAM – the blogger says something like “I think what Bush has done in Iraq is very similar to what the terrorists are doing.” Or, “Bush said ‘evildoer,’ can you believe that? Then he said 'Bring ‘em on!' He’s the worst president evah!” Or, “I am afraid for my rights as a woman with Bush as president.” So, I go from enjoying myself to fumbling in my medicine cabinet for sedatives.

To those surfing by, I feel your pain. I feel it so much that the veins on my forehead bulge until they look like quivering worms, which I assume means my head will soon explode. I don’t want to add to the cacophony. I have to. Like crying helps us feel better when we feel sad, blogging helps me feel better when I feel angry or powerless. I must make a few last points as we enter the final days before the election. You sure you don’t mind? OK, good. (You do mind? Check out my archives, sometimes I write good.)

Warning: Political Commentary, May Cause Eye or Ear Bleeding

The Bush administration and the U.S. military are not equivalent to the terrorists. The terrorists blow up civilians, hold them for ransom, hack their heads off, and send videotapes of the violence to the families. The reason? We are all infidels. Would you like to convert to radical Islam? No? If you’re a woman, are you willing to stop going to school, working, and speaking out loud? No? Well, then, the only way to prevent them from blowing you up is to kill them first. That’s what Bush and our brave, brave military are doing.

Yes, terrorists are evildoers. Evildoers, evildoers, evildoers. Bring ‘em on, bring ‘em on, bring ‘em on. Those words bother some people. I wonder if “serial killers” would work better for them. I find it unconscionable that some continue to denigrate a president, during war time no less, over some twisted, misguided form of political correctness.

The damn explosives were gone when we got there. This week, The New York Times’ published a bogus, 19-month-old front-page story about "missing" explosives. Kerry responded by spending three days ranting against Bush and the U.S. military. They bungled the guarding of explosives and now they're in thehands of terrorists. The same day, NBC "Nightly News" reported that on April 10, 2003, one day after Baghdad fell, U.S. troops entered Al Qaqaa, accompanied by an embedded reporter from NBC, and found no such weapons.

Yet, despite the reporting of these facts, Senator Kerry said, today, that the weapons were not “where they were supposed to be, you were warned to guard them, you didn't guard them.” He continues to rant, today, about these "missing explosives," while he ignores news reports to the contrary as well as the fact that our troops have found and destroyed or are destroying 400,000 tons of weapons and explosives. Which brings me to my next point.

Stop. Blaming. America. The exposives issue is a good example. It turns out that the United States requested that the United Nations remove these explosives nine years ago. But Kerry spent all week began blaming the United States and our military. His policy appears to be "blame America first, get the facts later."

What's With This "Global Test"? Kerry has said throughout his campaign that the United States must pass a "global test" or a "truth test," to "gain legitamacy in the world." More troubling, from the Washington Post: "In 1994, discussing the possibility of U.S. troops being killed in Bosnia, [Kerry] said, 'If you mean dying in the course of the United Nations effort, yes, it is worth that. If you mean dying American troops unilaterally going in with some false presumption that we can affect the outcome, the answer is unequivocally no.'" So, die under the U.S. flag, not worth it; dying under U.N. flag, yes, worth it. What's that all about?

Instability. Kerry still says that the U.S. rushed into Iraq. He says that Bush "jumped to conclusions" about Saddam Hussein and weapons of mass destruction. This is a cornerstone of his campaign. Yet, as senator, he voted for the war (to commit troops), then against armor and other necessities (for B.S. political reasons). Today, he says we blew it because this relatively small amount of explosives has disappeared. Since the U.S. could only have prevented this by invading Iraq sooner, Kerry must mean that he would have "done it better" by going in sooner. Confused? They don’t call him “Flipper” for nothing.

Bush Is Not a Demagogue. As a Catholic, it freaks me out when people attack Bush's faith and its influence on who he is. So what, now Christians aren't fit to lead the nation? Or to sit on the U.S. Supreme Court, or to serve as U.S. attorney general. THAT'S discrimination. I support faith-based initiatives because they ended discrimination against religious organizations who provide secular social services. They can now compete on an even footing with similar organizations, for federal dollars. It is about time.

Kerry is the No. 1 liberal in the Senate. His running mate is No. 4. They may not like that label, but their 2003 voting records confirm that they are on the far-left bank of American political thought.

And can I just say? Kerry (and Congress) voted for the Patriot Act. He opposes gay marriage. He promises to reinstate federal funding for overseas abortions. This is a good thing? I don't want my tax dollars paying for abortions overseas. He has voted against banning partial-birth abortion six times, but the U.S. Congress has passed the ban THREE TIMES. So much for Congress being allowed to represent the people, the courts just come in and override its laws. A ban on this barbaric procedure, which the American Medical Association describes as unnecessary and outside of accepted medical practice, does not induce fear for my rights as a woman.


Ok. This made me feel better. If, dear reader, you made it this far, I thank you. Here are two very small tokens of my appreciation: an encouraging, pro-Bush article and a joke by comedy classic Milton Berle.

The politician was shouting, "My opponent has been stealing you blind while in office! All I ask for is a chance."

100 Things

1. I first knew I liked writing in the second grade, when I wrote a short story about elves and missing Christmas cookies, and my teacher read it to my class.
2. I had to leave the room, I was so embarrassed.
3. For years, I hunted through my papers, hoping to find the story, but I never did.
4. My high school teachers often read my papers to the class.
5. This represents the one notable achievement of my secondary school career (besides graduation).
6. Sometimes, people describe me as outgoing, or intelligent.
7. That surprises me.
8. In college, I majored in journalism and minored in political science.
9. I once worked as a news correspondent for the Worcester Telegram & Gazette covering local town meetings.
10. I hated it.
11. I was also the World's Worst Telemarketer.
12. I've had the most success as an editor.
13. At 35, I decided to earn all my income from writing.
14. I’m earning no income whatsoever.
15. My most obvious Libran traits are that I’m diplomatic, prone to melancholy and I love beautiful things.
16. I have champagne taste and a beer pocketbook.
17. My first celebrity infatuation was with Scott Baio.
18. After that I became obsessed with Michael Jackson.
19. I had every inch of free wall space in my bedroom covered with magazine photos of him.
20. I sobbed as I watched his head burning and his stretcher going into the ambulance during the filming of a Pepsi commercial.
21. I just sold Making Michael Jackson's "Thriller" on ebay for $9.99.
22. My mom had saved it since 1988 because she thought it would be worth lots of money. But it was time to let go.
23. My mom will read this list.
24. I am prepared to shock her, but probably can’t.
25. In high school, I was unpopular because I had low self-esteem (or vice-versa, but it doesn’t really matter now, does it?).
26. At age 23, I took Dale Carnegie, and that helped me begin to get over my social anxieties.
27. So did working out.
28. I lost a lot of weight for my wedding.
29. I consumed mostly spaghetti, Progresso vegetable soup, beer and pretzels.
30. My no-fat diet became a vegetarian diet, since all meat contains fat.
31. I smoked Marlboro Light 100s for 12 years.
32. I loved every minute of it.
33. At age 25, I quit smoking and decided to stay a vegetarian for health reasons.
34. I attempted to be a vegan for about five years.
35. I found it hardest to give up eggs, butter, and coffee with half-n-half and sugar.
36. I now eat eggs and butter, and enjoy a creamy, sweet, steaming cup of coffee daily. Life’s too short for unecessary restrictions.
37. Pregnancy rendered me unable to resist hamburgers or steak (just like Phoebe on Friends). I didn’t fight it.
38. I used self-hypnosis, or the “Hypnobirthing Method,” to have both of my babies.
39. I also hired a doula for both births and used a birthing pool for my second son (although the hospital didn't set it up right).
40. It felt like a major accomplishment to have both babies without epidurals, because, since girlhood, giving birth had scared the hell out of me, and I always planned to bribe my doctor to knock me out “the way they used to.”
41. I wouldn’t hesitate to get an epidural if I needed one.
42. I hemorrhaged after each of my sons’ births, meaning I lost A LOT of blood.
43. I breastfed both boys, and loved it.
44. When Ben weaned at 10 months because I was four months pregnant with John, I bawled my head off like a spoiled child for an entire evening, moaning, “I have nothing,” while Brian sat next to me on the couch watching The Amazing Race.
45. After having kids, my self-esteem and social anxiety issues resolved.
46. Now I am too tired to care.
47. I’m not as good of a mom as I thought I would be.
48. Since I am a perfectionist control freak in recovery, that is a good thing.
49. I have nearly 60 cookbooks.
50. I love to cook, but my husband says I “haven’t found my niche.”
51. We’re both still traumatized from the vegan years.
52. I could go back to vegetarianism but my husband couldn’t.
53. Jesus Christ, FlyLady, Dr. Andrew Weil and Julia Cameron have changed my life.
54. I was raised Catholic, declared myself an agnostic when I arrived at college, but went back to the Catholic church soon after.
55. I need to start going to church.
56. I believe Catholic guilt has served me well.
57. Lately, I’ve fallen into a distinct behavioral pattern: three weeks of borderline hyperactive “accomplishing things” followed by six weeks of catatonic sitting, eating and reading.
58. I'd like to be more balanced.
59. I love to discuss political issues, but I hate politics.
60. I support George W. Bush for president.
61. I know you couldn’t care less what I think.
62. A new liberal friend once expressed shock when she learned of my conservative leanings. When I asked her what surprised her so, she said, “Well, you’re a mom, and you buy organic produce.”
63. I explained to her that, not only can conservatives reproduce, they may even desire the life-extending affects of pesticide-free foods.
64. I dislike political correctness.
65. I am against the “Drug War.”
66. I see no reason to discuss my past drug use.
67. I dislike Yahoo’s politically, um, “framed” In the News headlines. (I can provide evidence, it should only take one or two days for them to post an egregious example.)
68. I want to switch from Yahoo mail to gmail.
69. I have yet to score a gmail invite.
70. I have a beautiful blog template that I do not know how to make work in Blogger.
71. I still have to figure out how to put this list in the sidebar where it belongs, and why the numbers show up in Edit Posts and Preview but not here.
72. I will never be one of the cool kids.
73. I once read that the traits we dislike most in others are the ones we need to address most in ourselves.
74. I don’t know if I believe this but I keep it in mind.
75. When I was a girl I dreamt of being a model.
76. My parents just kind of laughed.
77. I’m 5’5’’ tall.
78. I have moussy brown hair that I dyed blonde through college then changed to red at age 25.
79. I’m in a protracted feud with my hair.
80. I’ve always been self-conscious about my looks.
81. I used to think I was vain until I looked it up in dictionary and found out it means “Excessively proud of one's appearance or accomplishments.”
82. I am the opposite of “vain.”
83. I bought a closet’s worth of new clothes last year.
84. Then I started watching What Not to Wear.
85. All my new clothes are against “the rules.”
86. I never know which shoes to buy or wear.
87. Susannah and Trinny are my fashion heroes, and I forgive them for the outfits in What Not to Wear for Every Occasion featuring bizarre hats and feathers, but only because they’re British.
88. I can no longer watch Extreme Makeover.
89. After each episode I would go to the mirror and pull my forehead up, simulating a mini brow lift.
90. I could really use a mini brow lift.
91. But I have seen a recent picture of Marie Osmond.
92. I won’t get a boob job because I fear the effect of implants on a mammogram.
93. I won’t get a nose job because, what if one of my kids develops my nose? What kind of message would that send?
94. Plus, I'm broke.
95. My one gift in the beauty department is my long fingernails.
96. I started painting my nails at age 7 and kept them painted until age 20, when I stopped altogether.
97. Now I paint my nails about twice a year.
98. On both occasions it takes too long, and at least one nail chips within a day.
99. This pisses me off.
100. I can’t afford that added stress.
     

Semi-Permanent Vacation

I’m not in a good way today. Outside, it’s raining, and it feels like it’s been raining for days, even though it just started last night. It’s 3:40 in the afternoon, and I’m sitting at my computer with a hot cup of coffee, a fleece blanket wrapped around my shoulders and my shoes off. No, I'm not sick. For those who, like myself, follow FlyLady, having one’s shoes off in the middle of the afternoon is a red flag signaling imminent breakdown. So far, I don’t think I’m that far gone. But I’m close.

Usually when John naps, I let Ben watch a few videos and get some things done. Like, perhaps I will dust, or clean a bathroom. Maybe I will write for 20 minutes, or even just read a book. But the last four days, all I’ve been able to do is sleep.

I enjoy naps, don’t get me wrong. But I don’t understand why I’m so tired, except for the rapid decline in temperatures and daylight hours. I enjoy fall, too, but this year it’s making me want to go into hibernation.

For me, summer ended on an invigorating note. So much to look forward to with my kids! So much to write! So many scrapbook pages to catch up on! So many career opportunities on the horizon! So much to accomplish around the house! So many more 8-minute workouts to complete! Woo hoo!

Then ... this. This is my fourth week of slacking, in all areas. I have this problem with prolonged mental vacations where I find myself unable to stop vacationing and get back into the swing of things.

Part of my problem is I have so many things on my to-do list and on my mind. Ben’s scrapbook is complete up to his first birthday; I haven’t even started John’s. My house is lacking in the curtain, rug and lamp department. I have curtains up in the nursery, the bathrooms and one of the three windows in the family room. Every where else, blank. My dining room doesn't even have a shade, so peeping Toms can watch me standing by the fridge eating leftover chocolate-raspberry mousse cake.

When Ben goes to our neighbor’s house to play, our neighbor with the impeccably decorated home with the rugs and the lamps and the draperies, he doesn’t want to come home. This neighbor, and I love her, she also has the perfect perennials and the perfect seasonal decorations. She has glass-front cabinets in her kitchen artfully displaying all manner of serving ware. I can’t begin to think how I would cope if my kitchen cabinets had glass doors.

Even though we’ve lived here for six years, people still think we just moved in. At this time of year, I get that urge to hunker down and finally make my house a cozy home, complete with rugs and lamps and photographs hanging on the walls. But this time of year also brings the stark reality that Christmas will soon be here, so if I want a rug in the family room that doesn't smell like the previous owner's dog, or kitchen flooring that does not have two-foot pieces missing in a color other than mustard yellow, then Christmas will consist of oranges and a few dollar-store toys under the tree.

I’m worn down, by the election, by all the things I need to do that I have no time or money to do, from all the exercising I’m not doing and all the treats I am eating. I'm starting to yell too much. Hell, I even dreamt the other night about friends who are no longer friends and whom I miss, friends who left me feeling rejected. When I start having these “rejected by friends” dreams, I know I’m on a slippery slope toward full-on melancholy.

So in the next few days I’ve got to get my energy back and my mind refocused. Waking up to pitch blackness doesn’t help this, but I’ve got to get back on the 8-Minutes in the Morning bandwagon. I’ve got to get my blood pumping first thing, so I don’t sit around all day in a heap of mental paralysis and start to nod off at the mere glimpse of my to-do list. I’ve got to come back from vacation.

Murphy's Law

Babysitter for Saturday night: $35
Dinner at favorite Chinese restaurant: $40
Inviting friends home for chocolate raspberry mousse cake: $22
Arriving home with said friends at 9:40 pm to find 2 1/2 year old wide awake: Priceless

Most Obnoxious Toy Ever

 

If I ever, ever again try to buy a toy with the word "talking" in its name, please, smack me.

Don’t Tell Anyone This, But ...

The spring semester of my first year at college, I failed all my classes. Yes, five F’s lined my report card. My parents rejected my plea of temporary insanity, but that’s the only way I could explain it. At a most pivotal juncture in my life, I lost all sense.

I always dreamed of going to college. My parents didn’t graduate high school, and they didn’t have much money. Two of my three siblings didn’t go, and the one who did went after a divorce and paid for it himself. I figured at best, I’d end up at the local community college.

But my Mom surprised me by attending all my school’s financial aid meetings. My guidance counselor surprised me by suggesting a college that would accept me and that my parents could finance. And I surprised me by going through all the motions, right up to that day when I left the tree-lined suburbs north of Boston for the picturesque pastures of Pioneer Valley.

On Labor Day, my brother, his fiancée and my parents drove me the 2 ½ hours to UMass at Amherst. We stood around my dorm room with tears streaming down our faces, my Dad and brother included. My excitement had turned to angst as I realized that “coed living” meant parading myself down a hallway of male contemporaries to shower or use the bathroom. I’d lost all semblance of privacy and familiarity in my life.

Minutes after my family left, my neighbor Linda invited me to a party. By the time my family got back on the highway, I was standing with a herd of frat-boy wannabes on the front lawn of a green ranch by the Southwest dorms, holding a plastic cup of icy keg beer. By the time my parents pulled into their driveway back home, I was struggling to unlock the door of a dorm room, one located at the opposite end of the hallway and up a floor from my own. Cindy’s sad eyes informed me that, No this isn’t your room, and, Wow, you’re hammered! By the time my mom placed her first call to her daughter at college, I was lying on my new, unmade bed, trying to stop the spins.

So began my illustrious first year at UMass.

My first semester was a blur of Domino’s pizzas, four-page papers typed at midnight, missed math classes and trips the area’s pathetic excuse for a mall. I muddled through, earning a 2.3 grade point average. The drinking and drug use (about which I plead the fifth) didn’t panfry all my egg yolks until my second semester.

My fall-semester grades landed me on academic probation, however. I passed it off to my disgusted parents as an adjustment period and, undaunted, headed back in January to continue my triple major in sleep, frat parties and reality avoidance.

Then, one of the best events of my life also helped do me in. I met my future husband.

Brian caught my eye in the fall, but my drunken scene at our dorm’s hayride (don’t ask) and his fiancée of three years meant I had no chance. But right before spring break, Brian and his fiancée broke up, and we started dating. Turns out I, a directionless lush, was just what he needed.

At the end of his junior year, Brian had just changed his major, requiring several course withdrawals and leaving him with just one class to worry about that semester. “Nothing to do but party, dude!” I believe he actually said that, more than once.

Having my first real boyfriend, one with limitless time on his hands, compounded other distractions students encounter in spring at UMass: gorgeous weather; Frisbee, sunbathing and people watching on the quad; the spring concerts. For me, though, spring also brought the paralyzing realization that I could not possibly pass several of my courses. As is the case with insanity, I didn’t know I’d lost it until it was too late.

I started having this nightmare, one that recurs even to this day. In it, I realize I haven’t been to English 360 since the first class, and it’s the day before finals, and, oh, I never did write that paper, and – WHAT?! – what’s that history class doing on my schedule? Did I ever even GO to that class?

One cool evening in early May, as Brian and I sat on his futon gazing out at the hot-pink valley sunset, I lit a cigarette and mentioned that I was, um, a little behind.

“How bad?” he asked.

“Bad.”

“How bad.”

“I’m failing. Everything.”

“Failing everything?”

Brian suggested I withdraw from my classes. Withdrawing couldn’t change the fact that I flushed my parent’s money down the toilet, but it could spare my GPA from a big fat 0.0. Instead of withdrawing, I recoiled further into panic and distraction. Watch the Simpsons? Sure, why not? Go to the all-you-can-eat spaghetti feast at Papa Gino’s? Count me in! Everyone’s tripping and going to Bear Mountain? Wouldn’t miss it!

By the end of it all, I learned about the freshman 15, altered mental states, men, and the trauma caused by shirking one’s responsibilities. But I didn’t learn much in the academic sense. Most embarrassing? I failed Math 010, a remedial recap of decimals and fractions for incoming freshman with no discernable math pulse. Also most embarrassing? I got suspended from college.

Driving home with my Dad at the end of the year, he talked about ruts and how hard they can be to overcome. Perhaps my sallow complexion and the dark circles under my glassy eyes gave me away. Like a strung-out heroin addict with a secret debt, I listened, knowing that “rut” was just the tip of the pencil, knowing he would never again stick his neck out financially to send me back to UMass.

That summer, my parents resented my explanations and suggested I figure out how to get myself a car and commuter status at a local college. Desperate to somehow undo the damage, I lobbied UMass for immediate reinstatement, and won. Then in August, I received a letter announcing the cancellation of my $2,000 in state aid due to budget cuts. “Oh well,” my mother said. “Have you applied to North Shore Community College yet?”

In his first act of husband-like chivalry, Brian helped me find a bank-financed student loan that deferred my payments until after graduation. Still, I needed my parents to pay the interest in the meantime. Loan details in hand, I approached my Dad as he read the evening paper and pled my case. He stared grim-faced at his paper as I talked. Then, he agreed to sign. “This is your last chance,” he barked, and I scampered away to my room, heaving sighs of relief. In my next four years at UMass, I never again earned less than a 3.25 GPA. Within my major and minor, I graduated with a 3.75.

Years later, in my first mom’s group, someone asked, “When did you first feel like an adult?” I talked about that fateful semester, yet, the other mom’s didn’t quite get it. How could such a juvenile failure make me feel like an adult? Well, it didn’t, not right away. But it served as a giant, lead-filled backpack thumping me across the forehead, knocking me from childhood into adulthood. It shamed me, enough that I stopped going crazy and took charge of my life. And it taught me that, after losing my mind and everything I worked for in the process, I had the grit to fight my way back.

Another Year, Another Donut

Yesterday was my birthday, and my mom came over in the morning with some donuts and watched the boys while I went to get my haircut. Brian brought home my favorite cake, chocolate with white frosting, and we did the birthday thing after dinner. I got a few cards and a Cadbury dark chocolate bar. He said I can buy that digital camera I’ve been wanting (!).

My personal birthday celebration is much more drawn out. Last week I celebrated “good-bye early 30s” week. I didn’t exercise one iota, let the household chores slip, and ate anything I wanted: carbs, fats, engineered ultra-concentrated sugars, with nary a vegetable or fruit the whole week. Now that’s a party.

My actual birthday week has brought more of the same along with much imbibing, gratuitous Internet surfing and some longish periods of ignoring my kids to pursue my own selfish interests. To cap the week, Brian’s taking a four-day weekend, a rare and blessed event during which we’ll go to the Topsfield Fair and maybe drive out to visit his grandfather and parents.

So, I’m feeling indulged and grateful today, and a little nostalgic. On my last milestone birthday, when I turned 30, I was newly pregnant with my first son Ben. I was far too nauseous to eat Chinese food but managed to tolerate a huge piece of chocolate cake, with ice cream.

Now, five years have zipped by, and Ben’s so big and bright and charming and silly and affectionate and handsome. (He’s also introspective, sensitive and neat, like his mom.) He’s morphing from toddler/preschooler into full-fledged boy, and I’m morphing from young to old. But, they say that 40 is the new 30, which makes me in my mid-twenties by today’s standards. And, even though being home with my kids challenges me in ways my perfectionist, fairy-tale-addled brain never imagined, I wouldn’t trade it. How can I complain about growing older when I get to do it alongside this amazing little guy?

Ben 

Same Old, Same Old

Cheney did such a great job last night. Edwards and Kerry keep saying the same old thing, that there was no connection between 9/11 and Iraq. Somehow they think this will win them the election. They both supported the war in Iraq, so what's their point?

Edwards claims Bush didn’t give the United Nations enough time to do inspections. These inspections went on for 12 years, except from 1998 to 2002, when Husseein blocked U.N. inspections so he could operate in secrecy and run terrorist training camps. Just think, if they were in office during 9/11, the U.N. inspectors could still be doing their work. Yipee!

Their platform amounts to them saying they will do everything “better” and, “Trust me.” I almost felt bad for Edwards when he brought up the Halliburton thing, because he had nothing with which to defend his shameful Senate record.

My favorite Cheney quote:
“And Senator, frankly, you have a record in the Senate that's not very distinguished. You've missed 33 out of 36 meetings in the Judiciary Committee, almost 70 percent of the meetings of the Intelligence Committee.
“You've missed a lot of key votes: on tax policy, on energy, on Medicare reform.
Your hometown newspaper has taken to calling you ‘Senator Gone.’ You've got one of the worst attendance records in the United States Senate.”

Could you see the smoke coming from the stage? I wish they could have cut to Ashton Kutcher yelling, “BURN!”

My favorite Edwards quote:
“On the $87 billion, it was clear at the time of that vote that they had no plan to win the peace. We also thought it was wrong to have a $20 billion fund out of which $7.5 billion was going to go to a no-bid contract for Halliburton, the vice president's former company.”

In other words, they voted against funding body armor and other necessities for the troops for B.S. political reasons. Thanks for clearing that up, Senator.

P.S. I really liked this Sun-Times column.

Debate Facts

Here are some debate highlights:

“So they, in effect, decided they would cast an anti-war vote, and they voted against the troops. Now, if they couldn't stand up to the pressures that Howard Dean represented, how can we expect them to standup to Al Qaeda?” - Vice President Cheney

Debate Fact #1:
John Edwards contradicted the conclusions of the Senate Intelligence Committee, of which he was a member, and the 9/11 Commission in denying that contacts existed between Saddam Hussein And Al Qaeda.

“You've gone around the country suggesting that there is some connection. There's not, and in fact, the CIA is now about to report that the connection between Al Qaeda and Saddam Hussein is tenuous at best, and in fact, Secretary of Defense said yesterday that he knows of no hard evidence of the connection. We need to be straight with the American people.” (Sen. John Edwards, Vice Presidential Debate, Cleveland, OH, 10/5/04)

The Senate Intelligence Committee Report:
CIA "Reasonably Assessed" Contacts Between Iraq And Al Qaeda. (Report On The U.S. Intelligence Community's Prewar Intelligence Assessments On Iraq," Senate Select Committee On Intelligence, 7/7/04, p. 346)

CIA's Conclusion That Iraq Gave "Safehaven" To Al Qaeda "Was Reasonable." ("Report On The U.S. Intelligence Community's Prewar Intelligence Assessments On Iraq," Senate Select Committee On Intelligence, 7/7/04, p. 347)

The 9/11 Commission:
Vice Chair Of The 9/11 Commission Lee Hamilton (D-IN): "[T]here Were Contacts Between Al Qaeda And Iraq Going Back Clear To The Early 1990s When Osama Bin Laden Was In Sudan, Then When He Was In Afghanistan. I Don't Think There's Any Dispute About That." (ABC's "This Week," 6/20/04)

In Sudan, Bin Laden Began Developing A "Global Terrorist Network" Including "Leaders Or Representatives Of Terrorist Organizations" In Iraq. ("The 9/11 Commission Report," National Commission On Terrorist Attacks Upon The United States, 7/04, p. 58)

Debate Fact #2:

Edwards' False Statement:
In response to Question #2 John Edwards said, “We were attacked by Al Qaeda and Osama Bin Laden. We went into Afghanistan and very quickly the administration made a decision to divert attention from that and instead to begin to plan for the invasion of Iraq.” (Sen. John Edwards, Vice Presidential Debate, Cleveland, OH, 10/5/04)

The Real Record:
In September 2002, Edwards Supported Action Against Iraq Regardless Of Any Ties To 9/11. SEN. JOHN EDWARDS: “But I think, separate and apart from 9/11, we have Saddam Hussein, a man who invaded another country, who started a war in 1991, who lost the war, and has, since that time, flaunted numerous, what, 16, 17 U.N. Security resolutions. He’s got weapons of mass destruction. He’s trying to get nuclear capability. This is a very serious situation, and I think it’s incumbent on us to take the action necessary to rid the world of this threat.” (Fox News’ “The Big Story With John Gibson,” 9/19/02)

In September 2002, Edwards Wrote:
“Iraq’s Destructive Capacity Has The Potential To Throw The Entire Middle East Into Chaos, And It Poses A Mortal Threat To Our Vital Ally, Israel.” “Thousands of terrorist operatives around the world would pay anything to get their hands on Saddam Hussein’s arsenal and would stop at nothing to use it against us. America must act, and Congress must make clear to Hussein that he faces a united nation.” (Sen. John Edwards, Op-Ed, “Congress Must Be Clear,” The Washington Post, 9/19/02)

Debate Fact # 4
Last night, Edwards claimed Kerry has been consistent from the beginning on the war on terror.

"John Kerry has been absolute - absolutely clear and consistent from the beginning that we must stay focused on the people that attacked us." (Sen. John Edwards, Vice Presidential Debate, Cleveland, OH, 10/5/04)

During The Democrat Presidential Primary, Edwards Slammed Kerry As Inconsistent. "Edwards, on ABC's 'This Week,' was asked about Kerry's explanations of his vote for the resolution authorizing President Bush to go to war in Iraq. 'He's not been clear to me,' Edwards said. 'I think he's said some different things at different points in time. So I think there's been some inconsistency.'" (Dan Balz and Paul Schwartzman, "Reinforcements Rally For Frantic Final Push," The Washington Post, 1/26/04)

Debate Fact #5

Edwards' False Statement:
In Response to Question #14 John Edwards said, “We Do Have Too Many Lawsuits.” (Sen. John Edwards, Vice Presidential Debate, Cleveland, OH, 10/5/04)

The Real Record:
According To One Of Edwards’ Trial Lawyer Supporters, Edwards “Said Medical Malpractice Reform Will Pass Over His Dead Body.” (William Tucker, Op-Ed, “Edwards Confident Of Verdict,” The New York Sun, 8/20/03)

Edwards Voted To Kill Medical Malpractice Reform In 2002 And In 2003.

Kerry Opposed Or Voted To Block Medical Liability Reform At Least Ten Times.

Kerry Missed Both 2004 Votes On Medical Liability Reform. The February 2004 vote was a motion to invoke cloture (thus limiting debate) on the motion to proceed to consideration of the bill that would place caps on damage awards in medical malpractice lawsuits against obstetricians and gynecologists. The April 2004 vote was a motion to invoke cloture on a similar bill that would curb awards against emergency and trauma center personnel, as well as ob-gyns.

Medical liability reform could save between $60 billion and $108 billion in health care costs annually, making health insurance more affordable for millions. ("Confronting The New Health Care Crisis: Improving Health Care Quality And Lowering Costs By Fixing Our Medical Liability System," U.S. Department Of Health And Human Services, 7/25/02, http://www.aspe.hhs.gov/daltcp/reports/litrefm.htm)

Since 1989, Kerry Has Received $15,217,154 From Lawyers, Most of Any Senator in That Time Period. (Center For Responsive Politics Website, www.opensecrets.org, Accessed 8/16/04)

The Department Of Health and Human Services Found That Capping Non-Economic Damages Has A Significant Impact in Reducing Malpractice Premiums. Over the two-year span of 2001 and 2002, the rate of increase of medical liability insurance premiums in states with caps of $350,000 or less on non-economic damages (18%) was less than half the rate of increase of premiums in states without caps (45%). (Addressing The New Health Care Crisis: Reforming The Medical Litigation System To Improve The Quality Of Health Care www.hhs.gov, 3/3/03)

georgewbush.com

The "Wonders" 

Good-bye, Girl

Sunday nights can be harder on me than Mondays, especially in the fall. I have a hard time adjusting to back-to-school, plummeting temperatures and waning sunlight. I also have flashbacks from high school and my old customer service/telemarketing jobs, when Sunday night signaled a return to the caverns of hell for another week.

Tonight, I’m sitting here listening to a steady stream of expletives from the basement, where my husband struggles to clean out the “trap” and fix the garbage disposal, which broke before I could clean up dinner. I’m also contemplating my 35th birthday this Wednesday, which will force me to say good-bye to my early 30s, even though I could have stayed 34 just about forever.

My mom had me when she was 34, and the doctor told her “No more!” Growing up, I saw her as old because my friends’ moms were younger than her. (Today, I doubt that would be the case.) I remember myself at age 6, sobbing to her because somehow I got the notion that she would die of old age before I graduated high school. I didn’t expect, at 35, to still feel so much like that scared girl, reeling that I can't stop the march of time.

This morning, I confirmed that I am not pregnant. Again. Had things gone well, I’d be expecting a baby in a few weeks. Instead, I’m deciding what kind of alcoholic drink to have after I write this. I’m realizing that, if we do succeed in conceiving a child next cycle, we won’t have a baby until midsummer, nearly a whole year later than we’d hoped.

Before I venture any deeper into the deep well of Woe is I, let me offer my top 10 reasons why I should cheer the F up:

10. The four failed attempts at pregnancy are more likely due to our misguided sex selection efforts than our aging reproductive organs.

9. Giving birth midsummer would be the perfect excuse to stay in the air-conditioned house for three months with my feet up, eating fudgesicles and watching daytime TV.

8. All the smoke I inhaled at my brother’s house this weekend did not damage the DNA of a forming embryo.

7. Brian has not demanded my help in cleaning whatever just blew up downstairs.

6. I can drink marguerites while watching the debates this week, making them infinitely more palatable.

5. I can drink high-test coffee to help with the hangovers.

4. The thief who keeps stealing my Bush-Cheney yard sign has taken a weekend off (Oh, the joy of being conservative in Massachusetts).

3. Brian has not become angry since learning that I broke the garbage disposal with rotting cilantro.

2. I can go on all the rides I want to at the Topsfield Fair.

1. I can get drunk on my birthday.

Truth and Lies

I changed the title of this post, because, as some may have noticed, it played off the title of a bestseller by a liberal author. This author turns me off in many ways, one being his book titles, which are name-calling insults on civility. I don’t want to pay homage to him and, as writers know, better to show than to tell. I also added an ending and made other minor revisions. K.

I thought Bush did a good job in the debate last night of reminding us of Kerry's main weakness: his instability. He's unstable in his beliefs, unstable in his version of the truth, and unstable in the messages he sends to our allies, our troops and the Iraqi people. How can someone who doesn’t even believe in the mission, who believes it’s the wrong war in the wrong place, at the wrong time, ever achieve victory?

"Unmerciful Killers"
We are dealing with, as Bush said, a group of unmerciful killers. We have a duty to the Iraqi people not to waiver or lose faith in our ability to create a stable Iraq. Kerry has another plan for Iraq, and that plan is an exit plan, not a plan for a thriving democracy.

Bush stated that the terrorists are fighting so hard in Afghanistan and Iraq because democracies in these countries would signal major defeats for their networks.

Kerry's response:

"I'm proud that important military figures who are supporting me in this race: former Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff John Shalikashvili; just yesterday, General Eisenhower's son, General John Eisenhower, endorsed me; General Admiral William Crown; General Tony McBeak, who ran the Air Force war so effectively for his father -- all believe I would make a stronger commander in chief.

"And they believe it because they know I would not take my eye off of the goal: Osama bin Laden."

Fist, being from Boston, this name-dropping doesn’t surprise me. Kerry is legendary for this kind of snooty, arrogant behavior. Name dropping, cutting to the front of the line with a “don’t you KNOW who I AM?” Come to Boston, ask around.

Second, bin Laden is not the ultimate goal, defeating the terrorists is. Kerry blames Bush/the United States for "losing" bin Laden. He lied when he said resources for Iraq were diverted from Afghanistan. Our army and special forces, according to Kerry, suck at everything. They let bin Laden get away, and they're not even training the Iraqi police sufficiently. We need to "bring more allies to the table" to tell us how to do it right, because we couldn't possibly figure it out.

Senator Kerry then accused Bush of (gasp) changing his mind, about going to the U.N. before invading Iraq. Talk about the pot calling the kettle black. Sorry, senator, what Bush did is called making a decision. You should try it sometime.

Setting Priorities
Kerry went on to lament the $200 billion that was spent in Iraq (which was really $120 billion), saying it could have been spent on health care, schools, construction (of what?), and prescription drugs for seniors.

To me, this is a great example of Kerry’s ultra-liberalism, his arrogance, and his selfishness. The United States doesn’t have enough already, so we should have left the Iraqi people to rot under Hussein, we should have left him alone to run terrorist training camps and pursue weapons of mass destruction, so that our schools could have bigger classrooms, and we could ruin our health care system -- which is the best in the world -- by introducing government-run universal health care. I’d take a world without Hussein and the freedom of 25 million people in Iraq over that any day.

The Leader of the Free World
For Senator Kerry, the war on terror is all about the United States not having to stick it’s neck out. It’s all about trying to get other leaders and other countries to step up and take charge of the war on terror. Sen. Kerry hasn’t come to terms with the fact that the United States is the world’s super power.

He wants to fight the war on terror by spending more on homeland security. Rather than stopping the terrorists before they get here, he wants to hunker down at home and wait for them, so we play defense. Yes, THAT would be pretty.

Kerry even had the GALL to say that Bush “rushed the war in Iraq without a plan to win the peace. .... You don't send troops to war without the body armor that they need.”

Did he really SAY that? I mean, for more than a decade, we endured U.N. diplomacy and enforced a no-fly zone at the cost of $1 billion a year, putting our forces in harms way the whole time. He calls 12 YEARS rushing? The man who voted for the war then voted against the $87-billion supplemental to provide equipment for our troops, did he really just say it is Bush who sent troops to war without body armor?

Kerry went on to say, “And we got weapons of mass destruction crossing the border every single day, and they're blowing people up. And we don't have enough troops there.”

Tell me, which candidate got flustered last night? Now there ARE weapons of mass destruction? Now, rather than bringing the troops home, we need to send MORE troops over there? Perhaps Kerry will next propose a draft. Since we took out Hussein, the one proposal to do so was offered by Democrats.

Just the Facts, Please
Kerry said that Bush hasn’t spent enough on homeland security. “The president hasn't put one nickel, not one nickel into the effort to fix some of our tunnels and bridges and most exposed subway systems. That's why they had to close down the subway in New York when the Republican Convention was there. We hadn't done the work that ought to be done.”

Somehow, Kerry has translated the $30 billion Bush has spent on homeland security to "not one nickel." Somehow shutting down Penn Station (which happened) translates in Kerry's mind into shutting down the entire NYC subway system (which did not happen).

And, hello, Senator Kerry? Do you have any recollection of the Democratic Convention, which essentially shut down the entire city of Boston for week? Which cost, like, a lot of money, and especially hurt the small businesses here? That was Bush’s fault too? Funny, I thought it was the Democrats fault, maybe even your fault.

The Leader of the Free World
Kerry railed that our allies don’t send as many troops into Iraq or spend as much money there as the United States. The nearly 50 nations in our coalition in Iraq, most of which do not have the resources we do, do not count, according to Kerry. He supports the war then he doesn't. He says he wants to start withdrawing troops in 6 months, then says we need more troops. He says he will bring more allies to the table, while he discredits everything we've done since 9/11 and his cronies work to prevent the Australian president, one of our staunchest allies, from winning re-election. He claims Bush hasn't spent on nickel on homeland security, even though Bush tripled such spending to $30 billion a year.


What kind of a leader would Kerry be? The kind that allies will struggle to stand behind (because he keeps moving), the kind that will frighten troops with his indecision, the kind that would embolden the terrorists.

Perception and Reality
Sure, Kerry has a stone face. So? Bush’s face at least reflected human emotion. Bush is, like, a real person, one who gets kind of ticked when he's being lied about. Some don't like Bush's facial expressions. Well, I don't like Kerry's personality.

In life, perceptions abound, and some say perception is reality. With every issue discussed in this debate, however, there is truth and there are lies. There is fact and fiction. Reality, and sloppy idealism. Before voting, let’s educate ourselves on which is which.

I will end with my favorite quotes from each candidate in debate No. 1:

~~~~~

President Bush: "My opponent just said something amazing. He said Usama bin Laden uses the invasion of Iraq as an excuse to spread hatred for America. Usama bin Laden isn't going to determine how we defend ourselves.

Usama bin Laden doesn't get to decide. The American people decide."

President Bush: "Prime Minister Allawi. was here. He is the leader of that [Iraq]. He's a brave, brave man. When he came, after giving a speech to the Congress, my opponent questioned his credibility.

You can't change the dynamics on the ground if you've criticized the brave leader of Iraq. One of his campaign people alleged that Prime Minister Allawi was like a puppet. That's no way to treat somebody who's courageous and brave, that is trying to lead his country forward."

Senator Kerry: "I have never waivered in my life."

Senator Kerry: "No president, through all of American history, has ever ceded, and nor would I, the right to preempt in any way necessary to protect the United States of America.

But if and when you do it, Jim, you have to do it in a way that passes the test, that passes the global test where your countrymen, your people understand fully why you're doing what you're doing and you can prove to the world that you did it for legitimate reasons."