Turning the Lights Back On

I haven’t been to church in awhile. Didn’t even go after my miscarriage. It’s been that long.

What’s worse for me though is that I haven’t been praying. As my father-in-law would say, I’m lacking a prayer life right now. Since it’s been over a year, it’s no surprise I feel disconnected from God.

Not disconnected in the sense that I don’t believe, I didn’t think. I figured it was just my failings that where distancing me from God but my belief was still solid.

Then I checked in on this blog I follow, How Is Luke Doing? As I clicked, I thought, “He’s probably doing the same, mostly unable to express himself or move at will, having trouble with swallowing and fighting infection.

When I read the latest post I kept blinking my eyes. Such wonderful news! A major turning point for this determined, inspirational family. Their faith throughout their son’s near drowning and year-long struggle to recover has lifted me again and again. To see their steadfast belief that God would heal Luke completely, “from inside out,” beginning to happen, was just wake-up call I needed.

To realize that, as I clicked I doubted that Luke would be improved? That God would even someday restore him? Humbling to say the least.

I have learned, and continue to relearn, that I need four things to function here on earth with some enjoyment and efficiency: time to pray and attend church; time to exercise; time to write; and time to prepare and eat a healthful diet. Those are my four plates, so to speak, the ones I must keep spinning, because when one hits the floor I tend to go with it.

I’m most ashamed that I haven’t brought the boys to church in a long time. At one point last year, Ben and John would say, “We should go to church,” even though they couldn’t remember the times we did go. Ben, who never knew what day it was, except trash day, would declare on Sunday mornings: “Is it Sunday?"

"Yes."

"We should go to Church today.”

Another time the boys asked to see “their” church, so I drove them by it on the way home from Ben’s preschool.

Not that God was trying to speak to me or anything.

Now that Ava’s born and sleeping well, I’m ready to listen. For the past year I felt too physically and emotionally drained. I blew off the Sunday morning “up and out” of going to church to sleep in, stay in my PJs and read the Sunday paper. Next thing I knew I also blew off prayer time.

So, Sunday Ben and I will attend church. We’ll sit near the front, I’ll fill a tote with some kids' religious books for him. He’ll love it. I figure by the time Ava’s four months or so, before the Chistmas season begins, we’ll be attending church as a family.

It will be a huge relief.