What I Learned Friday

Thanks to Sheryl for this meme.

1. If you put 10-week-old baby on her back after nursing on morning-engorged breasts she will vomit buckets every single time. So don’t think you can get away with it. Ever.

2. There is such a thing as too many Legos.

3. When you go to the bank with your three year old, and sit at the desk with a flurry of paperwork, the bank representative will eye you with suspicion. When you ask to open an savings accounts for your three children but answer “Um, no, no I don’t,” when she asks if you have their social security numbers, she will appear relieved not to have to do all that paperwork while your three year old explores the items on her desktop and the wires coming out of her computer monitor.

When you tell her you received a new debit card in the mail and you don’t know why, because yours doesn’t expire until next year, she will look things up on her computer then place a call to a colleague, whom she will continue to question until she gets to the bottom of things. When you meanwhile notice that the new debit card was to replace the one from your household checking account, not your personal account, so that everything makes sense, and when you tell her this, she will show the first outward signs of annoyance. When you laugh nervously and tell her you just had a baby 10 weeks ago and, oh that mom brain, she’ll say, “What else can I do for you?”

When you tell her you forgot the PIN on your personal debit card, she’ll march you over to a small black box so you enter the PIN you’d like. When you get back to her computer, where she looks up your account again, she’ll look up at you and say, “The new PIN you entered is the one you couldn't remember.”

Then her eyes will become stoney and you will realize that she thinks you smoked pot before coming to the bank and that she will summon security should you ask anything more of her.

Or maybe that’s just me.

4. Mom brain does in fact worsen each time you give birth.