The Party's Over

My new post is up at DotMoms:

This weekend, at the end of my son John's third birthday party ...

You Wanna Pizza Me?

Yesterday, after I took the boys for hair cuts, we stopped in to the pizza parlor for a slice. As the three of us sat together, I noticed Ben eating in an unusual manner. He was using his fork to pull off and eat little pieces of cheese, leaving the bread behind.

"Ben, pick the pizza up, like this," I said, demonstrating. He glanced at me and continued his cheese-picking process. A few moments later, I said, "Ben, you need to eat the bread, too, not just the cheese."

Then, in a calm but stern voice, my four year old looked me in the eye and said, "Let me do my thing."

So, I said, "O.K." He went on to eat the entire piece, including every last morsel of the crust. And he made a point with his mom. You know, to let him do his thing. At least sometimes.

Twisted Pregnancy Dream

I dreamt last night that I miscarried. This wasn’t the first miscarriage dream I’ve had since getting pregnant. That’s part of why I wrote these entries, to try and get the thoughts out of my head. And I it worked, but last night I had one of those dreams that lasts all night, no matter how many times you wake up and go back to sleep. If it hadn’t been so ludicrous, it would have been scary.

First, my uterus fell out. I think this came from two things: knowing I need to do my keigles (yes, it’s harder being a woman than you can even imagine), and watching David Blaine rip his heart out last night, courtesy of Celebrity Smack.

Anyway, my uterus fell out, and I picked it up, and found this really teeny tiny baby inside, looking at me with wide eyes and saying goo-goo ga-ga. My mom appeared with a neighbor, who smiled and said, “Congratulations!” And I said, “But I’m only 14 weeks!” She filled a big glass with water, put the uterus and baby in it, and smiled again.

Then I went to the doctor, but all the facilities were outside, and I kept saying, “My uterus fell out, I need help.” The remainder of the dream, I followed around this doctor who was a combination of Richard Branson and Bozo the clown. At one point, I was peeing in a trash bag held by a handsome young medical assistant in the middle of a crowded courtyard. He kept trying to walk away before I was done. Typical man!

When it came time for surgery to put my uterus back, the surgeon said, “OK where is it?” I mentioned the glass of water and he just shook his head. In the dream I started crying, then I woke to John yelling “Mommy,” at the top of his lungs. I felt nauseas.

I don’t like mornings, or nausea. But this morning? I welcomed both. Tonight? Me and that medical assistant will change things around a little bit.

Slowing Down to Keep Up

My latest post is up at DotMoms:

This New Year, as I considered resolutions, I realized the same items topped my list last year. And for several years before that.

I Do Not Like Mealtimes. I Do Not Like Them, Mom I Am

Downstairs toasting bagels, I hear the boys galloping back and forth on the second floor. Then, silence. I walk up the stairs, hearing just the creak of the stair under my foot. I swing open Ben’s bedroom door, still seeing and hearing nothing. My heart catches just as I see them, in the far corner of the room, sitting side by side on the floor by the bookcase. Ben’s reading to John.

“Time for bagels,” I say, and go back downstairs.

Minutes later they come down, Ben saying “I’m hungry.”

“Gee, I didn’t even have to tell them twice! What a peaceful morning,” I think to myself. Even as I thought it, I knew I’d inflicted the evil Parent Jinx on myself.

“I don’t want a bagel,” John says.

“Well, I can eat it. What do you want?”

“Green eggs and ham,” he says with a sly smile. We agree on eggs, toast and ketchup. “And I want grape juice in a big-boy cup,” he adds.

“Water only in the big-boy cup.”

“NO!” He begins to cry. “I want grape juice in a big-boy cuuuuup!” He continues sobbing and throws himself at my legs as I try to get his eggs.

Ben joins in. “You want grape juice in a big-boy cup,” he laughs. “You can’t have it!” John sobs louder. “If mama didn’t give me my cup, I’d HIT her with the cup.” He breaks into hysterical laughter.

“Ben, you may not say unkind things,” I say, peeling John off the fridge to get the soymilk.

Ben gets up from the table and starts dancing around the kitchen, “Mama cup, mama cup, mama cup!” he sings.

I administer a timeout to Ben, instructing him to get himself dressed before coming back to the table. John takes the water I poured for him and brings it to the dining room table. He sits sipping it, the tantrum passed and a new-but-surely-fleeting attitude of sweetness and light overtaking him. “I’m waiting for my eggs,” he says primly.

I bend down to take out a pan, and a muscle in my low back spasms. Ben, who at 2 pm every day sprints to his bedroom, rips off his clothes and puts on his pajamas, comes around the corner. “I can’t put my shirt on,” he claims, still naked.

And to think, mealtime used to be my favorite time of the day.

Don't Be a Stranger

I know that my posts of late have not rocked the blogosphere. But, I do see through Sitemeter that lots of folks stop by to read, which brings me much happiness. During her holiday break, Sheryl at Paper Napkin came up with a great idea: She declared today, January 5, "De-Lurking Day." This means that I am formally asking you (begging you, even) to drop me a line to say hello.



Sheryl even designed these cool buttons to catch your attention, rendering you unable to resist our call for comments. (You are feeling very sleepy... I mean, chatty.)



Of course, I lurk too. I often read and enjoy blogs where I have never left a comment. So today, I will make the extra effort to go leave some feedback. I hope you'll do the same.



Please, say hi and let me know you're out there. I'd like to know who you are! Then I can come check your blog out as well.

Update: Following Sheryl's lead here as well, I will donate $1 or more for every comment left today to the tsunami relief effort.

Another Meme? WTF??

Another meme, you say? Can’t she think of something original to write? Well, no, I can’t. Well, I can, just not today. Maybe tomorrow.

For today, the hormonal turn is BITCHY, which has moved in to join nauseas and headachy. That’s why I haven’t had much to say here, although I plan to use this space to bitch and complain real soon. Everyone else in my life is sick of listening to it.

1. What did you do in 2004 that you'd never done before?
Started a weblog.

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I kept them all for varying lengths of time, all of which combined would not equal a year. I will make pretty much the same ones again this year. Which is pathetic and discouraging, but better than death or apathy.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yes, baby boy Dylan and twins Kristin and Patrick

4. Did anyone close to you die?
I had a miscarriage. It was early in the pregnancy, so I didn't feel so much like I'd lost a child, but it was a loss nonetheless.

5. What countries did you visit?
None.

6. What would you like to have in 2005 that you lacked in 2004?
Patience, grace.

7. What dates from 2004 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
March 19, miscarriage. July 24, started my blog.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Winning Blogging for Books, becoming a DotMom.

9. What was your biggest failure?
I could not live in the moment. I constantly distracted myself with politics, Internet surfing, the radio, food, whatever. Not good for me, not good for the kids.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
The miscarriage. Ugh, I’m sick of mentioning the miscarriage!

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Ah, that’s better. A sexy pair of black, strappy high-heel shoes.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
George W. Bush, Oprah.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and disgusted?
Left-wing Democrats in the U.S. Congress.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Payments on my mortgage and home equity line, I think. I hope.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Campaigning for Bush, and his ultimate re-election.

16. What song will always remind you of 2004?
“Ch-Check It Out,” the Beastie Boys

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder?
Sadder. Hormones, plus annoyed with myself for falling into the same old rut and not having more patience with my kids.

b) thinner or fatter?
Thinner. By about two pounds.

c) richer or poorer?
Poorer. But with a plan.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Playing.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Stressing, zoning out.

20. How will you be spending New Year's Eve?
We had a few friends over, ate chocolate cake and ice cream and watched the ball drop. Thankfully they did not feature footage of Dick Clark in his hospital bed, that I saw anyway. I even drank a little beer! (Highlight of my holiday season.)

21. Did you fall in love in 2004?
Yes, with my kids, again and again.

22. How many one-night stands?
Heh.

23. What was your favorite TV program?
What Not to Wear. I've burned myself out on that show, yet I can't stop watching (a sign of true addiction). At least now I know that all of my maternity clothes, which I bought five years ago, are against “the rules.” As I write this, I'm wearing these strechy blue leggings masquerading as jeans. They hug my legs nice and tight, all the way down, accentuating my lovely saddle bags and showing off my clown feet! What the hell was I thinking?

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
I’m not a hateful person, I tend to just “turn off” from people that hurt me or piss me off. But one of my oldest and dearest friendships has ended, and I’m sad about that.

25. What was the best book you read?
Good Morning, Midnight.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Fiona Apple. Yeah, I’m a little behind in my music listening.
UPDATE: I discovered Fiona in 2003, I realized. For 2004, it was Alicia Keyes.

27. What did you want and get?
To lose 12 pounds.

28. What did you want and not get?
To keep those 12 pounds off (and no, it’s not pregnancy weight that I regained).

29. What was your favorite film of this year?
Kill Bill, Vol. 2.

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I drank pineapple margaritas, ate chocolate cake and stayed up too late watching mindless reality TV with my husband. I turned 35, which sounds and feels much less perky than 34.

31.What one thing would have made your year measurably more satisfying?
Having the baby.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004?
Trying to get a clue.

33. What kept you sane?
Writing/blogging, my mom, my therapist, chocolate ice cream – not necessarily in that order.

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Johnny Depp. Wait, I thought you said "fantasy."

35. What political issue stirred you the most?
The Iraq War, the War on Terror.

36. Who did you miss?
My aforementioned friend.

37. Who was the best new person you met?
Jay, the mom of one of Ben’s classmates. All of my new Internet/blogging acquaintances.

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2004.
To live in the moment, and not project or stress about the past or future.

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
I don’t know that it sums up my year, per se, but it’s been my anthem for a while.

From “Apple Tree,” by Erykah Badu:

...I don't walk around trying to be what I'm not
I don't waste my time
trying to get what you got
I work at pleasin' me
Cause I can't please you
and that's why I do what I do
My soul flies free like a willow tree
doo wee doo wee doo wee

And if you don't want to be down with me,
then you don't want to pick from my apple tree {x3}
And if you don't want to be down with me,
you just don't want to get down