Best Pictures, 2005

Here's another of my favorites from this year: Ben entering his classroom, "The Green Room," on his last day of preschool school in May.

Good-bye nursery school, it's grammar school for this kid!

No Time, But With Pictures!

In my house, before the last scrap of wrapping paper hit the trash, the Christmas rush morphed into Project Rip the Kitchen and Bathroom Apart. So I have little time to post. Even as I type this, Brian is pacing the floor, waiting for me to go with him to choose a new toilet and sink with all the fixtures. Kind of fun, in a high pressure, going broke kind of way.

I'm so glad no one noticed that, for our Christmas picture, I cut and pasted Ava's head from a different image. Do you have any idea how hard it is to get three kids to smile and open their eyes in the same picture? When I started yelling at them to "look happy," I decided to end the session and cut my losses. Here's the original:



The photo editing software amazed me! But everyone at my house on Christmas wondered why I didn't use the Santa picture from the mall. This is an example of why I'm no good at being a perfectionist.

So anyway, during this busy week, I'll pop in and share some of my favorite pictures from 2005. First up, we have Ava, looking all angelic at her Christening this summer.

Enjoy!

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas, from our family to yours.

Need some reading material? Head over to Mommybloggers to read and play along with their "holiday smackdown," 20 questions over 4 days, answered by a whole bunch of cool mom bloggers. Though their questions made my head hurt, who can resist when the Mommybloggers invite you over to play?

Three Random Thoughts, and Shots

• This morning, Ben said, "I've been waiting for Christmas for 200 years!" Ah, I remember that feeling. I feel like I've been preparing for it 200 years.

• Thanks for the kind words on yesterday's post. I've been thinking about it, and 1) my PMS has reached medication-requiring levels, and 2) I need to get out the house. The walls are coming in on me. After the holidays, self-care will become my No. 1 priority.

• Oh, and Ava with the sleeping? Part of the problem is she now gets insulted by her much-beloved (by me) pacifier. And, last week we gave her Tylenol a few times at bedtime. We created a monster.

Brian confessed the other day that he has taken to putting the empty Tylenol dispenser in her mouth for a second to quiet her. Then she will immediately take the pacifier and pass out.

I was like, "No! Don't go there, man! Bad bad bad!"

So last night, Brian worked late, and I had to deal with fussy-don't-want-to-sleep-unless-you're-holding-me Ava. After 20 minutes of this, I glanced over at the Tylenol bottle on the bureau. Don't do it, I thought. Resist.

A few minutes later, I grabbed the bottle, made sure the dispenser was empty, and stuck it in her mouth. She stopped crying and started sucking. I pulled the dispenser out, stuck the pacifier in. She took it greedily and passed out. I have no idea what the magic is. What's next? Dipping the pacifier in sugar?

• Andrea at a peek inside the fishbowl has invited her readers to post three random shots from our lives right now. Here are mine:



Brian hauled the kids off to a big tree farm nearby to cut this beauty down. It's our best yet, I think. Having ornaments all the way to the bottom helps; we haven't done that in years. Next year, though, it will be back to the half-decorated tree.



I bought this ornament on clearance at Target last winter. It's shiny. I like it. The picture doesn't do it justice, though.



In this picture we have my new wrought iron chandelier and the offending, too short sheers. Lovely, no? Also in view is our Advent wreath, which is actually a bunch of greenery in a pile, since I didn't make or buy an actual wreath. And finally, we have Ben, who brought home a gingerbread house from school annihilatedated it before I could snap a picture. I kind of like the aftermath shot too, though.

Care to play along? Let Andrea know that you did!

Catching Up

• Yesterday, my mom was talking John through a temper tantrum and she used the old, "Santa's watching" technique. I doubt Supernanny would approve. But John said, "No, Santa can't see me!"

And she said, "Oh yes, he can."

"No, he doesn't live here. He lives at the mall."

Mental note: Next year, do NOT have the kids visit Santa at the mall.

• I have to get better at parenting. Yesterday I took Ben with me to a little Christian shop, which was chock full of all kinds of little toys and knick knacks. So, he zeroes in on this small Veggie Tales character on a key chain that says silly (read: annoying) things when you push the button.

When I told him he couldn't have it, he went into two-year-old mode on me, throwing himself around, crying, "I want it! I want it!" I literally had to drag him out of the store and all the way to the car.

Looking back, I should have been more patient. A) He's five. B) It's Christmas and all kids are overwhelmed right now with anticipation and the materialism going on around them. C) He never does well in stores anyway, he needs to touch every single thing he lays eyes on. And D) Everyone in the house is sick (again), so he's probably coming down with something.

I felt guilty enough that I went back to buy the dumb thing and put it in his stocking. At the register, it rang up at $5. When I expressed my surprise that it cost that much, the cashier pointed out the original price tag: $18! For what?? I have no idea. The thing is like 3 inches high and says one stupid phrase over and over.

So anyway, short story long, the kids need more of a schedule, a la Supernanny. They need me to be more interactive with them, instead of letting them hang around most of the day. I have known I need to do this for, what, a year? In 2006, I want to become Wonder Mom the superhero mom, not Wonder Mom, the mother wondering what the hell's going on all the time.

• I am late in reviewing the Momstown Guide to Getting It All, A Life Makover for Stay-at-Home Moms. How ironic is it that I haven't had a chance to read this book? Because I'm so busy sucking at being a stay-at-home mom? The reviews on Amazon are very mixed, so I'm interested to check the book out. I hold out higher hopes for A Mother's Rule, though, which I haven't gotten to yet, either.

• I bought these expensive sheers for my dining room window. I asked Brian's grandmother to hem them for me. I hung them up, measured from the bottom up how much to take off, then gave them to her. Last night I hung them up, and they are too short. They are hanging above the window sill. Pretty much the worst thing that can happen when hemming expensive sheers. I have the leftover material but I'm afraid to ask her to fix them. She won't be thrilled, I'm sure. This little anecdote reveals much about my overall luck and skill when it comes to decorating.

• Ava doesn't sleep anymore. Well, once she's asleep at night she does well. But during the day? Forget it. She passes out in my arms while nursing but screams so hard her limbs tremble when I put her down. My little sleeper! She's gone! This has made life around here much harder the last few weeks. Any advice on getting a five month old to nap?

• This blog hasn't been great lately. I plan to give more time to writing here in the new year -- writing, rather than just jotting down my thoughts. Meanwhile, thank you for reading.

Friday Freewrite

What? Christmas is next weekend?

Today, I'm digging into my personal archives for a freewrite to share with you, since I'm up to my ears in Operation Save Christmas From Mom's Poor Planning and Procrastination. If you see me posting here or on your blog, will you kindly tell me to go get something done?

For a freewrite, read the prompt then start writing for 15 minutes, without stopping. Writing longhand seems to work best, for some mysterious reason.

Today's Prompt: This one's a little different. Write a scene twice, once from two different points of view.

Best Friends
I can't understand why she makes a big deal out it, every time. Just because I want Amanda to come with us, doesn't mean we're not best friends anymore.

"Do you mind if she comes?" I ask.

"No, not at all." Her eyes downcast, she adds, "The more the merrier."Jane and I have been best friends since second grade. Now that we're in high school, it should be expected that we'll change, that our friendship will evolve. I don't understand why she doesn't like Amanda.

"Do you like Amanda?"

"I don't know her that well."

"Well, this'll be your chance. She's really funny."

"Great."

I can tell that she's jealous of our friendship. I know that she wishes I was not getting close with Amanda. I know that she feels threatened, she's afraid of losing me.

"So, my mom said she'd drive. Amanda's coming over after school. Want us to pick you up after dinner, or should we meet at the mall?"

"Let's meet at the mall," she says, not looking at me. "It'll be easier that way."

Oh, she's mad alright. I bet she's particularly hurt that I didn't invite her over after school. Oh well, things change!

###

Sam has the idea that I'm upset with her, but I can't be bothered with changing her mind. She's wrong, but there's no way of convincing her. You can't prove a negative.

"Do you mind if she comes?"

"No, not at all," I tell her. "The more the merrier." I'm happy that Sam and Amanda are hitting it off. Amanda's not really my type, she likes to be goofy and laugh at things I don't find funny. I like her, but I couldn't see us being close friends. The fact is, my brother might be sick. My mom and dad went with him into Boston today. To see a specialist.

"Do you like Amanda?"

"I don't know her that well."

"Well, this'll be your chance. She's really funny."

"Great." I could tell that my mom was crying when she came downstairs this morning. Her eyes were so puffy, maybe she cried all night. My dad didn't look right either. Everyone's walking on eggshells. Since John's only 7, my parents are shielding him the best they can. But the point is, depending on what this specialist says, his cancer might not even be treatable.

"So, my mom said she'd drive. Amanda's coming over after school. Want us to pick you up after dinner, or should we meet at the mall?"

"Let's meet at the mall," I reply, not looking at her. "It'll be easier that way." I wonder whether I'll be able to even go. The way I feel right now, and depending on the news from the doctor, I may not be able to put on a happy face. I may just need to cry into my pillow for awhile.

Vote for Ellen!

Wow, the contest over at The Weblog Awards 2005, Best of the Top 3501 - 5000 Blogs is CLOSE!

The Reign of Ellen is within a few votes of winning, so if you enjoy her blog, go vote!

Polls close at midnight tonight.

If you're not familiar with Ellen, check out her blog. Then, go vote for her!

The Toys We Chose

Thanks to those of you who chimed in when I requested toy advice. Now that I've mulled it over for a few days, the choice seems clear.

Choice #1:
C) No Rescue Heroes

Brian's argument for additional Rescue Heroes? That they play it all the time, and even "played it while sledding." That was the key phrase for me. All they need to play rescue heroes is, well, each other.

At Julie's suggestion, though, I do plan to check out Playmobile's 123 Line, but not for Christmas.

Choice #2:
While I considered the choice between the Pixter and the Leapster L-Max, John broke Ben's Darth Vader mask. Then I remembered that last week, Ben hit the electronic scorekeeper on their basketball hoop with a toy hammer, shattering the LCD display. Should children still prone to fits of carelessness, resulting in broken toys of varying worth, be given such a gift? I think not.

Sure, it could have been a "with supervision only" toy. But, did I have such a thing as a child? Not quite (think Speak 'n Spell and the Little Professor). And even if it did exist back then (waaaay back then), I doubt my parents would have shelled out the $$$ for it.

And then I thought, should they have fancy schmancy handhelds before I myself own an iPod? Hell, no.

Choice #3:
B) The Imaginext Dinosaur line

I decided on the Imaginext line, since they LOVE the castle and pirate stuff they have, and this will build on that. Sure, the Little Tikes stuff had something you could build and knock down, but they can replicate that effect with blocks or any old thing. They'll just get one dinosaur set each and that will be it.

Yes, as Andrea pointed out, it's violent. Avoiding violent imagery, stories, toys when you have boys is a near-impossible task.

We try to minimize it. I tell them they should slay the dragon, not other knights. I say they should capture the bad guys, not shoot them. I insist on nonviolent children's programming (i.e., The Reading Rainbow, The Magic Schoolbus).

And yet, legos become guns and building blocks become bullets. Even the shepard in our nativity scene? His walking stick? Ben had him shooting with it. Yes, I promptly dealt with that. But boys and guns seem to have an innate bond that presents a force stronger than all the learning toys from Baby Einstein and Leapfrog put together.

So, they shall get their dinosaurs, a toy saxophone and trumpet from Back to Basics, scooters, a few games (Sight Word Bingo, Sum Swamp, Elefun) and books (a set of Usborne's search books and First Encyclopedias, because they LOVE them, so I got them moreof both series). Plus, a Slinky in Ben's stocking and a Jacob's ladder in John's, along with loads of candy and the requisite apple, orange, and Lifesaver Storybook (the chewy version).

Now, what should we have for Christmas dinner ...

I've Been Coronated!

Her Royal Highness Ellen, whom most of us know and love, has coronated me, the lowly Wonder Mom. Of course, I am now a queen! And no longer lowly! I'm thinking of printing this picture of myself, framing it, and hanging it near my desk in the family room, so that no one forgets I am a Queen -- including myself.

Since we are discussing Her Greatness Ellen, why not stop over at the Weblog Awards 2005 and vote for her? Not surprisingly, she has an excellent chance of winning her catagory. Despite her royal title, Ellen has such a down-to-earth way about her. Her blog is funny, interesting and creative -- the more you dig around, the more you find. She gives a lot of herself to her readers, and to me, that's one thing that makes a blog great.

She deserves this win. But the race is extremely close. So go vote!

Decisions, Decisions ...

We're under the gun to make a few gift decisions for the boys. Because there's this big holiday coming up, you know, with the white-haired fat guy?

My husband and I are not known for our decision-making skills. We make good decisions. But only after seeking out opinions, over-analyzing the options and changing our mind about 11 billion times.

Choice #1:
A) Some kind of Rescue Heroes play structure
B) Micro Rescue Heroes
C) No Rescue Heroes

We have the fire truck, a scuba diver, a guy on a four wheeler and this cool remote control trike -- all of which it appears Fisher Price has phased out in favor of their new "micro" line. Brian thinks the boys need some sort of "structure," that will make play more interesting. I think our collection already takes up too much space and they don't play with it that much. So, maybe we should switch to the Micro Rescue Heroes or just forget about buying more Rescue Heroes.

Choice #2:
A) The Pixter
B) The Leapster L-Max

This one has me the beyone baffled.

Choice #3:
A) Little Tikes B.C. Builders
B) The Imaginext Dinosaur line

Again, this is making my brain hurt. Brian thinks we should get the Imaginext dinosaurs since they already have the Imaginext castle and pirate ship. But Ben saw the Little Tikes version and really liked it, especially the idea of building up a tower and knocking it down.

Any opinions to offer?

Q & A Over at Mommybloggers

Have you visited Mommybloggers yet? Well today's a great day to start. The lovely ladies over there invited me to take part in a group Q & A with lots of funny blogging mamas. Stop by and check it out.

Behind Lace Curtains

I'm a little late today, but here's a prompt for a 15-minute freewrite. Join me if you'd like!

This is the December 9th prompt from the always-inspiring A Writer's Book of Days, by Judy Reeves.

Today's prompt: Behind lace curtains.

The bright yellow blooms of the forsythia have appeared out front. They stand up on thin branches that lay about the wet grass in long arches. I had told myself that by spring I’d figure this out, that I'd take a stand one way or another. But I guess I needed the rebirth of spring to come before I could look at this problem with fresh eyes.

I never intended to pass the entire winter here. I was going to stay with Bill for just a few weeks, and here it’s been four months. I remember sitting at his dining room table, discussing the pros and cons of leaving my husband, my baby, coming to stay with him. Something in me knew it was the wrong thing to do, but I couldn’t let the chance go. I know now that I made a mistake.

We sat in his kitchen, leaning toward each other from opposite sides of his small rectangular table. At 4:30 in the afternoon, night had already fallen, and the cold air gripped my every muscle. We spoke low and soft, our tones revealing the gravity of my situation.

I couldn’t stay with John, he wasn’t the guy for me. He intimidated me, belittled me. “C’m’ere, now!” “Get up and clean these dishes.” “Shut your hole.” How had I married a man that would talk to me that way? How could I have left knowing he would keep my baby from me?

I open the kitchen window and the breeze pushes and pulls the lace curtains. They flutter in the room like flags of surrender. The window glows with sunshine but the room still feels dark, full of shadows. The air glides over my skin. It’s refreshing but my mind feels old and tired and beaten down. My thoughts turn over the same issues again and again. My limbs grow heavy and weak as I begin to reflect on my future. The same old questions and dead ends, road blocks.

My heart bleeds knowing my baby’s birthday is coming up. Just one year and already abandoned by his mom, already let down, already I’ve botched motherhood. Of course there is one solution that keeps appearing in my mind, that causes my gut to clench with its perfection and recklessness.

If I took him and left, I can’t imagine where I’d go. To a remote island, a European country, a farm in Northern Canada. I wouldn’t give up my life here, because I haven’t got one. They would charge me with kidnapping. No, they’d never find me. I could have plastic surgery, I could live in a cave, I could kill him. I could kill him.

Lilacs in Bloom

It's Freewrite Friday again. Play along by freewriting to one of the prompts below, or giving me some ideas for future prompts.

These ideas are from an old writing group friend:

1. What is your favorite color? Why? How does it make you feel? What does it remind you of?
2. I've got shampoo in my eyes!
3. Out of dishsoap.

Lilacs in Bloom
My favorite color used to be red, or so I said. In reality, my mother's favorite color was red, and I wanted to be as close in alliance with her as possible. Then one bright winter afternoon, playing a board game in the uncarpeted second-floor hallway of the two-family house, I claimed purple. At the time, I said, "Because it tastes like grapes."

I was 12 when my family moved to another apartment one town over, not far away enough to be a new place, but far enough so I couldn't go to junior high with my friends. My mother giddily informed me that I could pick my color for my bedroom. I never thought lilac would cause a stir, but some negotiating took place between my parents and the landlord, who relented. After it was painted, though, there was no question: I had made the right choice.

In my old house, my bedroom was more of a hallway. My two brothers and parents walked from the kitchen and through my room to get to their bedrooms. No door graced the entry between my room and the kitchen. Yes, I needed some privacy. Looking back now I realize, too, that our old apartment had two large lilac bushes out front, which were in bloom in the month before our move. Maybe their fresh scent translated in my mind to a fresh start.

My new room, small and rectangular, had three tall window which afforded brilliant sunshine all afternoon. It was a small plain room, and I had nothing but simple furniture. But, man, it came alive dressed in lilac. I suppose that I -- facing a new school and life -- hoped to come alive too.