If you’ve been reading, you know that we changed John’s school after Christmas, halfway through the first of two years of preschool. Here are some of my reasons for making this decision:
1. His old school was a 15- to 20-minute drive. That meant, I spent about 45 minutes in the car two times a week, and next year it would be three times a week. The new school is a five-minute walk.
2. Related to No. 1: The baby would pass out in the car while I drove John to school, no matter what I did. I knew this would always be a problem, because the same thing happened when I drove Ben to this same school and John was a baby.
This messes up The Nap Schedule. A baby that nods off for three minutes in the car will not take her nap, which defeats the whole goal of two boys out at school so mommy can get a break. That is, mommy doesn’t get a break because the baby doesn’t take a nap, yet is still tired so fusses until mommy wants to stick her head in the oven.
3. The new school is four mornings per week instead of two. This counted as a "pro" because John loves school. I mean, he loved school.
4. The new school is the same school that Ben goes to. John would always ask to go to Ben’s school, so we were fulfilling his wish. Turns out, he wanted to go to Ben’s class, and the move has done nothing to satisfy his big-boy fantasies.
Now that we’re about four weeks into this new school routine with John, after three weeks of horrific tantrums, John started talking yesterday about how much he misses his old school. “I want to go to the red room! I miss Mrs. Johnson. You shouldn’t have made that decision (to change his school). That was a bad decision. Let me go to the red room, won’t you?”
In his old school, they did all kinds of crafts. We never knew what he'd bring home. In the mornings, the teachers always had a surprise. What would it be? A sand or water table? Cutting up veggies for a salad or mixing up some cupcakes? Cars, farm animal sets or musical instruments?
At his new school, so far they have sent home what look like simple coloring book pages which John has colored in. Every day the classroom looks the same. Today I noticed the pages of photocopied line art spread out on the table, waiting to be colored in. They even made me yawn.
Here are some things that I’ve noticed in the last four weeks that may not qualify as “red flags” per se, but still. My experience with schools and babysitters is that my gut is probably right:
1. He came out of school one day and said he had a time out, I'm not sure for what. He never had that happen at the other school.
2. He came out of school crying one day. He said his teacher wouldn’t let him put on his hat and mittens before putting on his coat. Now, I know that John will dawdle until there’s no time, and that may have happened. So, who knows.
3. He came home with his snack still in his back pack. When I asked about it, he said he’d complained that his apple juice was in the wrong cup (I know, totally annoying), so his teacher took his apple juice away. Couldn’t they have left the apple juice in the “wrong” cup? Again, John has a way of being annoying, but....
4. The teachers seemed warm at first, but each time I bring him they seem cooler and cooler. The first few times I brought John, the lead teacher came over to the parents and made small talk. Now, she won’t even meet my eyes. I hate that. It gives me the creeps.
5. When I volunteered in Ben’s classroom last week, I got to take a few peeks at John’s class. At 9 am, they were all sitting on the carpet in a group. At 10 am, they were still all sitting on the carpet in a group. Hmmm, looks fun.
6. I asked to observe, and the teacher has been dragging her feet to schedule it. His other school had a sign-up sheet for visitors right outside the door.
All of this doesn’t bother me as much as the fact that John is unhappy there. He loved school, now he’s indifferent at best. I guess my only solution for this semester is to try to do some fun things at home, to make up for the lack of fun at preschool.
I spoke to John's old teacher to make sure there wasn't some behavior issues that I'd missed. There weren't. She kept saying, "All three/four year olds do that." When I told her about the hat/mitten and apple juice episodes, she paused and said, "Every school has different expectations. One can only hope that they're appropriate."
Yes, I asked if his old school still had an opening, and they don't.
Damn.
7 comments:
Go with your gut Kris. Only you know what's best for your kid. Do what you need to do.
Last year I too went thru this preschool sort of hell dilemma. Your gut says "move him out" and I agree. Do some research in your area, put out some feelers with other moms... I'm guessing there are a few more schools that you could try. You can also check out some of the cooperative preschools (try preschoolerstoday.com to start). Preschool should be fun. It sets the tone for how kids think about school when they move up to kindergarten. (And I always hated that "sleep in the car, now I refuse to nap" thing too! You're not alone.) Hang in there!
Mother's intuition is real----go with your gut! The kids are in school so that you can get a break during the day....how can you relax and take care of Mommy if you are sitting at home worried about John!? Do research onother schools and do what is best for you and John. Good luck!
This new school (well, the class, not the school, since Ben's class sounds fine) sounds like bad news. Would you be OK if you just had to pull him out and he had no more school for the rest of this academic year?
And don't feel bad about it. You did what you thought was best. My parents did the same thing when I was in 6th grade, and it sucked at the time, but when they moved me back it strengthened my trust in them, and it was all fine in the long run.
Is there another classroom for his age group with a diff.teacher? Trust you gut. Also, go to the admin person and tell them you have concerns and that you want to observe either tomorrow or early next week - and that you will not take no for an answer. After you observe if you still have concerns ask the admin person for a three-way meeting with the teacher. If it still doesn't feel right...out.
XXOXOX
That stinks! It sounds like he is really unhappy and you are absolutely right about going with your gut! My boys are in a preschool that sounds similar to the "red room" and I am so happy they are there! It sounds like this new school is extremely strict and expect 3 & 4 yr olds to behave like kindergarteners or 1st graders.
Can you put your name on a waiting list to transfer your son back?
Good luck in whatever you choose!
Find a different school. Get him on the waiting list for his old school, and in the meantime try a different one that has openings, or just keep him home. Don't beat yourself up about it, it's hard to juggle nap schedules and multiple kids! But the fact that he is unhappy, and they don't want you to visit, not good. I'm sure you will figure it out, good luck!
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