About a Butt

Parenting is a continual process of letting go, a series of gains and losses metered out over months and years. At least, that's been my experience so far.

I thought of this the other day, when Ben was having some trouble, trouble with a certain itch. I told him to get one of Ava’s wipes and use that, but he wanted me to do it. This is probably not appropriate to talk about on the Web, what with the anu$ being private and all. But what the hell.

As I prepared to wipe, there was this awkwardness between us, a new awkwardness, one I hadn't experienced with any of my kids before. He's a kindergartner now, and for Ben, kindergarten will go down as the year his butt became his own.

Offspring butt intimacy begins at birth. At first it doesn’t even look like a butt, being so bony and all. It looks like a chicken butt, and not even a Perdue. Then the butt gets plump and, if you’re lucky, it developes rolls and cellulite. (If this happens, the danger of offspring butt obsession becomes very real. If you think you have this problem, seek help.)

During this stage, wiping baby's butt seems strangely normal, like wiping your own butt: not pleasant, but not enough to make you gag. Usually.

Then the poops become more adult, the body attached to the butt grows into a tantruming Pull-Up addict who screams “I’m DOOOOONE!” just after you get the baby to sleep. So it loses its allure, and you just can’t wait to be done wiping it because it also seems to epitomize every injustice and indignity of motherhood.

Then your 5 ½ year old son asks you to wipe his butt due to a particular problem, and you feel like strangers with his butt. You realize you haven't wiped his butt in six months or more. You sense this new awkwardness between you and your first born, specifically, his palpable annoyance that he has to have his mom wipe his butt. He’s his own man, with his own butt, despite this momentary indignity.

Wasn't it just yesterday when he clung to my legs and loved me so much, and I wiped his butt 20 damned times a day? And now here he is pulling away from me in so many ways, one of which is butt ownership.

Parenting is a continual process of letting go, a series of gains and losses metered out over months and years. I thought of this the other day, and thanked God for finally giving me a loss I can really get behind.