A Day in My Life

I’m joining Sheryl at PaperNapkin and sharing a “day in my life.” Try to stay awake now, ya hear?

12:05 a.m. Ava’s fussing. Maybe she’ll go back to sleep. I pull the blankets over my head. I just went to bed 45 minutes ago.

12:15 Scoop Ava out of her crib, sit on the edge of my bed and nurse her. Stare at the clock and at the Writer’s Digest magazine on my nightstand. Vow to go to bed earlier tonight.

5:30 Ava’s fussing. Maybe she’ll go back to sleep. Realize that if she goes back to sleep she’ll wake again at 6 and be up for the day. Hustle into her room to find her sitting up with her legs sticking out of the crib slats. Nurse her on the floor by her crib, because the sun’s already peeking through the curtains in my room.

5:45 Kick loud, obnoxious cat out of boys’ room. Go back to bed.

7:10 Alarm goes off. I lift my head, and Brian says, “Turn if off.”
“No shit,” I answer. I turn it off and pull the blankets back over my head.

7:30 Get up, make the bed and go into the bathroom to wash up and get dressed. Wake the baby up, change her diaper, get her dressed. Head downstairs. The boys are eating instant oatmeal at the counter, Brian’s scurrying around getting ready for work. I put Ava on the floor in the family room to play, then make John’s lunch: pineapple and avocado, bread and butter, soymilk with Ovaltine. Did I mention his preschool doesn’t allow peanut butter?

7:45 Go down the basement and throw in a load of laundry.

7:50 Go into the office and check email. Read Sheryl’s blog and leave a comment telling her I’ll do a “Day in the Life” entry.

8:00 Put makeup on, drag brush through hair, think it looks pretty good for a change. Put kids’ shoes on. Help Ben find a yellow toy to bring to school for “yellow day.” Grab some hair goop and try to make his hair look normal. Man, that kid needs a haircut. Kiss him good-bye. Say hi to my mom, who’s here to go with me to my MOPS meeting. She works as a babysitter in the nursery, where I put Ava during the meeting. Convenient, no?

8:15 Pack diaper bag. Look over order form for yet another preschool fundraiser. John wants the $9 water bottle, and I choose the $10 acrylic Christmas ornament. Normally I ignore these flyers, but John’s handprint will be on these along with “John 2006,” so I can’t resist.

8:35 Drive to the bakery downtown to buy cookies for the meeting. I planned on making cranberry muffins but decided at 8:30 last night to dye my hair instead.

9:00 Drop John off at preschool. Another mom asks if I’m still going to the same hair dresser. I tell her yes but I’m due for a cut, and she says, “Oh, your hair looks redder.” I explain that I just dyed it last night and that red fades fast but at first it’s bright. “My dad used to tell me I looked like my head was on fire.” She laughs. I no longer think my hair looks good.

9:15 Get to MOPS. Leave Ava and my Mom in the nursery and head for the buffet table.

9:30 Eat, drink and chat while listening to a lecture on anger. Take detailed notes.

10:30 Go nurse Ava.

11:00 Listen to one of my table mates monopolize the discussion with her tangents. I forgive her, she’s 38 weeks pregnant, but I wish I could share my thoughts. I feel like I do a lousy job controlling my anger.

11:15 Go get the baby. She’s sleeping in the car seat, but I wake her up while buckling her in. Wheel her around the meeting room. Grab the latest issue of Parenting from a giveaway pile, because I’ve been thinking of sending them a query.

11:30 Home. Put sleeping Ava in her crib, in her car seat. Check email while my mom clears away last night’s supper dishes. Eat pasta salad with her while perusing grocery flyers.

12:30 Pick John up at preschool. I ask the teacher how he did, because on Tuesday they said he hasn’t been listening. She pauses. “The same. He has a mind of his own.” I sigh and head back out to the van with John. Her comment upset me, and I start worrying about the job I’m doing with him.

12:45 Drop John off at the house to stay with my Mom while I go grocery shopping.

1:00 Peruse moldy 88-cent cantaloupes. Look for but never find a sirloin steak for John, aka, Mr. Picky.

1:30 Pick up Chronicles of Narnia DVD for $15.

1:45 Stand in line. Stress about the time.

1:50 While loading my groceries into the back of the van, I hear a loud smash! My cart comes hurling toward me and I catch it. “Holy Shit!!”
The car window rolls down and a 75-ish redhead appears. “Oh, dear!”
“It’s OK,” I tell her. “No damage, your car looks fine.”
“But did I hurt you?”
“No, no, I’m fine. Your car’s fine too.”
Take a deep breath. Get in the van.

2:00 Back at home, put the groceries away, while my mom plays with kids. Realize that my “day in the life post” will make me seem like a coddled princess. If only this was a usual day. Check my email. Go to Amazon to read about This Day in the Life, the book that inspired Sheryl to do these posts. Publishers Weekly says “There is not one piece in this compilation that is not captivating.” Wonder how captivating mine will be. Laugh.
Brian calls. The Microsoft test he had this afternoon in our town has been moved to Burlington. He’ll be late tonight.

2:30 John’s dressed in a dragon costume and yellow puddle jumpers when we walk to go get Ben from school. He’s the talk of the school pick up crowd.
Ben runs down the sidewalk toward the house, and John follows. I yell to John to be careful running in those boots. He falls and starts crying. He wants me to pick him up so I do, but his boots keep falling off. We go back and forth as I convince him to a) put his boots back on, and b) walk.

2:45 Read overly long note from Ben's teacher about the importance of putting lunch money in a baggie. Cut up the one non-moldy canteloupe I found at the store. Give it to the boys with a bunch of whipped cream. Sit at my desk and nurse Ava. There’s another book review request/free book offer, which I accept. I consider starting a book review site, then remember my brief but painful tenure as an English major and abandon the idea.

3:10 I’m having a hard time extracting myself from the computer chair. “Let’s go the park,” I announce. Ben wants to go to Endicott, John wants to go to “the park that was too crowded last time.”
“Mom chooses this time. The blue park.” They both whine and complain and start picking on each other. I spend the next hour trying to get John ready, getting the baby ready, breaking up fights, and telling them to stop complaining. I consider canceling the trip, but realize they need the park. Remember to grab a pad and paper to take notes for this entry.

4:00 Sit down on the bench and start taking notes while the boys play. Ava starts to cry. It’s windy and much colder than I’d hoped. I push Ava around in circles. John has to go the bathroom. Thank God there’s a new port-a-toilet on the side of the field. Stand waiting for the “occupied” toilet for 5 minutes before realizing no one’s in it.

4:15 John makes a little girl cry by telling her she can’t go on the slide because “it’s water.” She runs to a van in the parking lot, gets in, and the van takes off. Ben says, “They left because they hate John.”

4:45 Give 10 minute, 5 minute and 2 minute warnings that we’re leaving. Get in van while John runs around the playground, ignoring me. Finally he runs over asking for chalk. Explain again that we’re leaving. Turn on Howie Carr and take the long way home. Fantasize about pulling over and going to sleep.

5:00 At first I think it’s a mirage, but Brian’s car’s in the driveway. Woot! Brian and I discuss getting takeout then decide to cook turkey burgers with broccoli and salad, as planned. I start washing lettuce. Brian tells me he got home at 4, cleaned up the yard, took out the trash, cleaned the litter box and took some tools out of our almost-done bathroom. I get incredibly turned on.

Ben's says "poop" and "butt" and "penis." I give him a time out, he tells me he's going to "punch me in the face," a first. I escort him to his room.

John’s doing a Bible-related Leap Pad book. It keeps repeating, “You may never return. You should have listened to God,” in this deep, foreboding voice.

5:35 Ben's back and doing an Usborne map puzzle with Brian. I pile dinner stuff on the counter and announce that “It’s time to set the table!”

5:37 No one moves.

5:38 I get annoyed. “Time to set the table,” I say, louder. I realize that I never put the laundry in the dryer. The load won't get finished, which means more work tomorrow.

5:40 I’m mad. “Time to clear the table!” I say again. I think about the lecture on anger. Then I look at the calendar and realize this is The Week Before. I’ve got PMS.

5:45 Tell John he has to sit at the table with the rest of us, then change my mind and let him sit at the counter. John and Ben both reject the turkey burgers. Ben eats some red pepper and broccoli. John just eats the bread. I eat two burgers then regret it.

6:10 Instead of cleaning up, I lay down on the couch. The boys join me. We look at a Learning Resources catalog together for a few minutes before they start kicking each other. I kick them both off the couch. They apologize profusely and climb back up. I let them. Ben says, "Mama, I don't want you to die."

6:35 Brian calls me to the bathroom with an “emergency.” “This better be good,” I tell him.
“What’s that?” he asks, panicked.
“Dried urine,” I tell him. I go out to the kitchen and do some dishes.

6:45 I tell the boys if they go get their PJs on they can watch a video. They do, but when they come back down, John starts misbehaving. Brian takes him upstairs for some daddy time while Ben watches Reading Rainbow. Playing with Ava on the floor, I realize I haven’t changed a diaper all day. I love my mother.

7:00 Ava’s fussy so I take her upstairs to get her changed. Ben comes up, and I show him the new book I picked up at the pediatric GI’s office. They give a free book to every child, and I always take advantage. He says, “Yay!” runs into his room and gives it to Brian. John complains that he wants to read the Knight’s Kingdom book again. I retreat to my bedroom to nurse Ava.

7:05 Read an old issue of Martha Stewart Living that I picked up at MOPS while I nurse Ava. Understand why I don’t buy this magazine.

7:30 Clean up in the bathroom while Ben and John take turns on the toilet. Kiss them goodnight.

7:50 Clean up the kitchen and family room for a few minutes. Call Heather, the mom of Ben’s classmate Kyle, to talk about a playdate tomorrow. There’s no answer.

8:00 I planned to write but I’m too tired. I read blogs instead. I think again about the laundry in the washer, and remember that it was just towels. I feel better about not finishing it.

9:00 Brian and I talk about John, and the fact that after using time outs for a million years the boys still hit each other. We decide to put all the Imaginext castle stuff away, along with any thing else that has any violent connotations whatsoever.

Brian talks about the Microsoft certification he just got and which one he wants to get next. I talk about how I need something, anything, to do with my brain. I say that I should give up blogging so I can “Do something with my life.” But I know blogging isn’t keeping me from doing something with my life.

Discuss where to put the swing set we plan to buy. Brian wants to put it in front of the shed, behind the crabapple tree. I say we won’t be able to see them from the house. He says we can cut down one of the crabapples. I say I want to keep the pair, why don’t we put the swings closer to the house. He disagrees. I say I don’t want to talk about it anymore.

9:30 Have a beer and watch The Apprentice with Brian. Note that Donald has never fired a person from both teams in one boardroom. Hope this is the night.

11:15 Check email, wonder why I’m checking email. Shut everything down for the night.

11:30 Climb into bed. Brian gives me an amazing back rub, and I tell him I’d pay $1 a minute for this. He wants to have sex. I turn him down flat and fall asleep.

11:58 Ava’s fussing. Maybe she’ll go back to sleep.