Don't Read This Post

It's one of those, "Sorry I haven't written, I'm so busy," posts. Don't you hate those? I mean, you're all busy too, and yet you still manage to write great blogs or otherwise be fantastic. Me, I'm just doing laundry, slinging PB&Js and trying to remember not to eat 3,000 calories right before bed.

I think this post calls for bullets:

• We're still in the basement. The family room is still off-limits because we have to put felt on the feet of the couches so they don't scratch the floor, among other things. I was in the room for exactly 4 minutes and in that short time managed to scratch the floor getting the sofa back in the room. I'm that talented.
• We got a letter from Ben's school last week that read, "Congratulations! Your child has been selected for our Reading Recovery program!" After reading all the fine print and talking to the teacher, I realized it should have said, "Congratulations! Your child tested at the bottom of his class for reading!" Woo hoo!
• Yesterday I let myself have happy thoughts about John's preschool. Thoughts like, "Gee, he's doing great, why was I worried?" Then when I picked him up the director literally threw herself in front of my van to stop me from driving away happy. I rolled down my window to hear about how John had a bad day, how they had made so much progress with him but he totally backslid, how he was seeking negative attention from the other kids and wouldn't listen to the teachers. All I could think was, "Please don't kick him out!" I wonder if she saw the look of panic in my eyes. Any ideas for bribing preschool teachers?
• Ava turned 15 months yesterday. I want to write a big long post about how fabulous she is, but she's right behind me requiring my attention, so I'll just tell you that she's trying to climb out of the damn crib already. Can you believe the nerve? She shouldn't do that for at least another year. Next thing you know she'll try to drop her nap. (Ssshhh, let's pretend I didn't say that out loud.)
• I'm 25 pounds over weight. At the doctor last week, they had a weight chart conveniently located across from the toilet and it said, right there in black in white, that I am overweight. I haven't been this big since junior year in college. The one pair of "fat" jeans and the package of "fat" underwear I bought are all too small. I am in crisis.
• I have a huge pile of crap, (i.e., books and such), to review and give away. I plan to get through it all over the next week or so. Think gifts. Think helping me declutter my house. Think reselling it on ebay for money. A lot of it is pretty good crap, I do try to be discerning, you know. Just come back and enter to win the crap, will you please? The order in which I post the items will be in direct relation to the number of annoying emails I've received from the associated PR person.

Um. Hmm ... I think that might be it. Oh yeah! I finally managed to at least partly participate in a FlyLady Super Fling Boogie these last few weeks, something I haven't done since September 2004. I have sorted, I have tossed, I have donated. However, I still have not found my funny. I promise to keep looking.