Boy Logic

The other day, I heard my five year old screaming frantically in the basement play room. As I went down the stairs, his words became clear.

"Ben's peeing in my shoe!"

Rather than walking ALL THE WAY upstairs to use the toilet, like a civilized person, my seven year old had stepped outside to pee in the grass. When he saw John's sneaker, which had been left out in the rain, he something more. He saw opportunity. He decided to... fill it up, much to John's horror.

After I explained that the sneaker may be ruined and that was gross and we use toilets, I stopped ranting for a minute and asked him to explain himself.

He shrugged and rolled his eyes as he said, "Mom. The sneaker was already wet."

I had a similar moment with John in the bathroom the next day. I walked in to find a continuous sheet of paper towels lining the entire floor, culminating in a heap at John's feet as he sat on the toilet, peering at me through the paper towel roll.

"John," I said, annoyed. "What did you DO? WHY did you do this?"

To which he replied, in his sweetest voice, "I just wanted to make a telescope, Mom."

In case your wondering, both boys got off without further disciplinary action. As for the sneaker, I washed it three times and it still smelled like pee. So I sprayed it with some Smells Be Gone and now it seems fine. The paper towel roll didn't entertain John for long. I found it in the trash 20 minutes later. However, two days later, I still have a giant heap of paper towels sitting on my kitchen counter.