Keeping the house clean used to create serious resentment in me toward Brian, and while it's not all gone, it's much better than it used to be. I've become more zen about the dirty clothes on the floor:
Me: ... like that pile of clothes that's on the floor by your side of the bed every day of my life ...
Him: I don't leave clothes on the floor.
Me: I'm sorry, you what?
Him: I don't leave clothes on the floor. I pick them up every day.
Me: Oh, are we in Bri-Land again?
Hmm... that doesn't sound very zen. In the past, though, this conversation might have devolved into me shouting "You've never loved me!" and stomping off. Instead, we decided to move the hamper within shooting distance of Brian's side of the bed. I doubt it will matter, but frankly, I don't even care.
What I do care about are the two concepts I clung to most dearly when I started out with FlyLady that have turned out to be false:
1. You can maintain your home in 15 minutes a day.
Maybe I misunderstood. Maybe she meant "You can make a small dent toward decluttering your home in 15 minutes a day." I have tried to tackle problem areas by spending 15 minutes per day and it's like treading water. I spent the entire month of November on my basement storage room, for example, and you can still barely walk across the floor. I've spent all of January on our office and I'm still too embarrassed to leave the door open when we have company. I think sometimes you need to spend 15 hours a week on a cluttered area, not 15 minutes a day.
And let's be honest. When you look at FlyLady's emails she's instructing us to do far more than 15 minutes a day. Every day there's the 27 fling boogie, the five-minute hotspots, the five-minute room rescue, and the routines which inevitably for us moms include laundry, meal prep and clean-up, and picking up 3,532 toys. These items take way more than 15 minutes and they do not even include the decluttering. Even to scratch the surface, the idea of keeping house in 15 minutes a day is a Big Lie.
2. When you keep a clean, decluttered home, with a smile on your face, your family will follow suite without you having to nag.
Brian simply has a different concept of clean and decluttered than I do. Clutter doesn't bother him. Dust and dirt do not bother him. When I ask him to please, please spend five minutes a day decluttering the desk in the office, he claims that he already does. But he's referring to opening mail. Opening mail is not decluttering.
I know that I'm responsible for teaching my kids how to pick up after themselves and keep their rooms clean. However, no magical shift has happened in Brian after 6 years of me following FlyLady and generally maintaining the home without bitching about it. Well, without bitching about it as much as I used to. Brian's still the absent-minded clutter-blind lug I married 14 years ago. And I'm fine with that. But man does FlyLady annoy me by fluffing off women who live with clutter-bugs or who, if they want to see their house decluttered, will have to declutter for others for the rest of their lives. It's hard! It doesn't just magically happen! And sometimes, you have to nag. I'm sorry, but nagging can be very effective. Especially if you smile while doing it, which is really hard to do, I admit.
Despite these complaints, like I said, I still follow FlyLady, using my routines and my timer to get through the household chores. How about you? Do you use any particular system for keeping up with your house? Does it work for you? Inquiring minds want to know...
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10 comments:
I use a system I fondly refer to as INVITE SOME PEOPLE OVER. It always works for me and has the added benefit of keeping me more connected to my friends.
I've struggled for YEARS with keeping my home clean. It's not something I've ever enjoyed. I don't really enjoy it now, but I've gone out of my way to make our new house easier to clean. One thing I learned a long time ago is that the fewer table-like surfaces you have in your home, the less clutter you end up with.
Are you still thinking about moving? Because moving into a new house gives you the chance to start fresh. I've given away SO MUCH crap that I really never needed or used and instead of feeling overwhelmed by my domestic duties, I rather relish making our house a home. It might be something to look forward to!
I agree inviting some people over is about the only way to get my husband to clean up. I do have to admit that I am pretty bad about cleaning and decluttering myself too. I have someone that cleans the house every two weeks and it is usually trashed again within a couple days. frankly I'd rather be sewing or playing on the computer.
I tried the "moving out" technique three times and it provides a solution for about, oh, six months. :)
Too funny!!!
I'm a three-time Fly Lady Drop-Out. I accept it, and I have moved on :D
I ahve wanted FlyLdy to work for me, but I die at the 5 minute room rescue... you see - every time I set a timer, pick up the phone, sit on the toilet, open my laptop, start dinner... one or al of my 3 children beat me down. I found that when that time got ticking, I became quite irrational about keeping that time uninterrupted. Jut 5 minutes - right. That's a frickin' day in 3 year old time.
So, I have put the timer away - not because it wasn't a good idea, but because every time I did I had to yell or screech or... it just wasn't a good scene... not at all.
I feel like perhaps I wrotte this blog, especially the part about Brian's laundry. I went as far as getting a new hamper and putting it directly next to my husbands side of the bed. Has it worked? Ever? Nope.
I do get the FlyLady's 7,203 emails everyday, but I rarely read them anymore. It is a good concept, but I think we need to take it with a grain of salt. I still have clutter, but my house looks way better than it did two years ago.
Nice blog, BTW.
I admire that you've done the routines for 6 years--wow!
I think the emails alone take 15 minutes to wade through. Somehow I've never progressed beyond the shiny sink stage.
I've been inviting someone over for lunch each week so I get at least a once-a-week deep clean first : )
Glad to find your blog!
I recently came across your blog and have been reading along. I'm a single dad of 2 age 2 and 5. I find your site so interesting and helpful. I hope I have much time each day to drop by and check your site for recent post. By the way I really appreciate the effort for sharing this.. Thank you..
I am amazed at how many people don't simply turn off her emails and pick and choose from the tools she offers then say her system does not work. Her system is really what the user makes it, because we are all different. I certainly never got the indication that 15 min a day would clean the house. Not everyone is interested in Flylady, and I have been on and off with it, too, but that was all about me. There was no guilt involved.
I am here to amaze!
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