You Say 'Surgery' Like It's a Bad Thing

One morning last November, while doing some aerobics to a DVD, my inner left ankle started to ache like a sonofagun. Over the next few days, while I idiotically "worked through the pain," the area felt like I had stuck a patch of fire to it. I haven't done any cardio since. It swells and gets sore if I walk around a lot. It's like this burning, scratching feeling just under the skin.

I've spent a lot of time icing it, stretching it, taking anti-inflammatories, going to doctors, having diagnostic tests, going to physical therapy, going to acupuncture, going to a chiropractor, rubbing different linements on it, praying, researching online. My third orthopedic doctor diagnosed it as flexor hallicus longus (FHL) tendonitis.

Wednesday I went back to the foot and ankle doctor. Since six weeks of PT hasn't worked, he said the next step is surgery, with a four- to six-month recovery period. If I want to put off surgery and try one more thing, I can wear a hard walking cast for six weeks. There's a chance that if it really is FHL tendonitis, a cast will allow it to rest and heal. However, if the FHL tendon has tears in it -- which he believes it does but, since tears are not always detected by an MRI, it's anyone's guess -- then surgery is the only thing that will fix it. During surgery, the doctor will also release the tendon sheathe (the tendon is tight, despite stretching) and clean out the fluid that's on the tendon.

Surgery entails:

- Cutting into my ankle. This is not arthroscopic surgery, folks.
- No weight on the ankle for one month, perhaps less if there are no tears.
- Two to three months to return to normal activity, i.e., standing, walking.
- Four to six months to return to unrestricted activity, i.e., running across the beach to save Ava from a flock of seagulls.

It's funny the way my mind has been working the last few days. I've talked to the owner at my physical therapy place, a chiropractor, my mom and husband, and a few other friends and family members. One minute I'm like "Put the cast on!" The next, "Get this surgery over with!" And then, "PT can work! Give it more time!" Wednesday I scheduled a pre-op appointment for Friday. Friday morning I cancelled it and rescheduled for a week from Monday.

The thing is, I have been hyper-diligent in taking care of this ankle. The doctor said that's an indicator that it will require surgery to fix. Part of me feels like I should try the cast, but I did wear an air cast for 10 days and that made it worse. Things rubbing on the tendon really irritate it, like sneakers or, in the cast's case, fiberglass. I've been doing ice, stretching, applying special ointments and massaging trigger points to help it heal. If I have a cast, I won't be able to do any of that.

So, that's where I am: in Ankle Land. Trying to keep the household running and myself from gaining 50 pounds. Trying to make the right decision. Today I'm going to buy myself some new shoes and some cushion inserts. And some new fat, er, larger-sized pants.

One thing I've noticed is that when I mention to someone that I may have ankle surgery, they react with, um, some negativity. My other ankle started hurting this week, something I don't even want to make more real by saying out loud, so I went for a 1/2 hour massage of my calves and feet last night. The therapist went on about the problems that scar tissue from surgery cause. And really, that's not what I need to hear.

Surgery is a good thing, a blessing. It fixes problems in our bodies. I'm fortunate that it's an option for me. And I believe that God is working to heal my ankle right this very moment, and that it will heal completely. I'm not sure when, or what the road between here and there will look like. But it will happen.