Come Holy Spirit

Have you ever gone to church and felt that the priest’s sermon was written just for you? That happened to me on Sunday. The topic was patience.

Patience and trust have become my words for 2008. Patience to get my foot back into working order, and trust that I can get through this, and that all of it will be for good in the end.

Last month a had a surgeon advise me to go ahead with tendon repair surgery on my ankle or first put a walking cast on for six weeks to see if that helps. I went for a second opinion, and that doctor didn’t think it was a tendon at all.

Trouble is, while waiting for my second opinion I talked with my physical therapist. He is the owner of the clinic, a senior, well-certified guy, and with his advice I did some *ahem* weight training. And I think I hurt my ankle worse than it was to begin with.

I have on this stupid Cam Walker air-cast brace thingy. Although it is more comfortable than a plaster walking cast would be. My ankle hurts, a deep burning sensation. Today was hard because my other “good” foot is killing me. Chasing my two year old = pain.

My aunt’s podiatrist, whom I saw for the second opinion, turned out to be a cool guy. Even though I told him I’m going to Mass General for a third opinion, he agreed to order a MRI with contrast, on his hospital’s super 3.0T machine, and to do some weight-bearing X-rays, which he couldn’t believe no one had done before now. I had the MRI Monday, and I go in for the results and the X-rays tomorrow. This way, when I go to Mass General on Tuesday, I will have these results in-hand. A lot of doctor’s would have blown me off as soon as I told them I was going to someone else. He didn’t do that. He decided to help me, and I’m very grateful.

I’m also very apprehensive to get the results. One of my fear's is PTTD, which would mean my arch is collapsing and I’d need foot reconstructive surgery. My other foot could have the same thing. So tomorrow is the Big Day in terms of a diagnosis.

Of course when I got home from the MRI Monday, I popped the CD right into my computer to take a look. There’s a big bright spot that wasn’t there in January on my first MRI, and the bright spot goes right through my ankle joint. Since I’m not a radiologist, I don’t know what that is, but I know it’s where my pain is.

So back to church: Sunday, the priest talked about patience, and how we all get impatient. He suggested that when we find ourselves waiting, we should pray, “Come holy spirit.” I’ve been saying “Come holy spirit” a lot under my breath this week. Sometimes through tears.

I also keep reminding myself that God loves me, and I try to trust Him to take care of this, and to trust that good things will come of it. I also keep this running list in my mind of things that would be worse than what I’m going through. But I’m not so sure that last one helps. Perhaps a list of things I can do with my kids while sitting down would be more useful.