Coming out of my coccoon.

I went to a blogger junket-type thing last week! It was crazy, listening to these women bloggers who have fancy business cards and take blogging seriously. The one woman I chatted with said, "It's like a full-time job." And I said, "Blogging?"

Blogging??

OK, I can see that. I had to tell her, because I overshare, that I blogged mostly from 2004-2008, and the deepest I got into it was writing reviews to get free books and DVDs. But then paperbackswap.com and Red Box came along and I was done. She was really sweet and didn't make me feel at all like a loser after I said that. Bloggers are still good people! Phew!

The reason why I stopped blogging, though, really had nothing to do with Red Box.

In May 2009, I went to Kripalu to see Caroline Myss give a talk based on her then-upcoming book, Defy Gravity. It was interesting, moving, and sometimes confusing. I've never heard anyone sound so totally Catholic and un-Christian at the same time. Still, her insights into "the seven graces" and "the seven dark passions" forever changed my outlook. For example: I am NOT entitled to have chocolate ever again. I am not even entitled to a husband who wipes off the counter after he cuts toast directly on it. In fact, I'm not even entitled to my important papers not being put on top of those crumbs!! Can you believe it? I couldn't.

I'm still getting over that.

At one point, Myss said that we, as humans, go through periods of change when we are not who we were, and are not yet who we are becoming. In other words, we are in a coccoon of sorts. We're changing. Given the state of our melting body tissues, we're not fit to be seen in public.

So that's what I've been up to. Coccooning, which is way different than nesting. I haven't been washing tiny t-shirts and stocking up on baby wipes. But I have been creating a new life, every day. One for me, and through that, one for my family.

I've been staring down some of my fairly major problems and faults, with the goal of taking them down one by one and kicking their asses. OK, really what I've been doing is looking at these problems and faults and asking God to kick their asses. And we've had some progress.

In the waiting room at Ava's ballet/tap class on Saturday, my mother described me to another mom as "a deep thinker." She even put her elbow on her knee and her curled fist under her chin as she said it. Like in that statue.

I am the introspective type but there's a point where these deep thoughts must translate into action.

Deep in the crevasses of my brain, I had these dreams I never thought would become reality. I didn't.

I wanted to learn bodywork and help people fix their pain.

I wanted to be the kind of mom who could bring her kids home and teach them. And not just the three R's but everything. EVERYTHING.

I wanted to be crazy healthy. Healthy enough that I could do those first two things with passion and integrity and also go mountain biking with my great grandkids.

And speaking of being old, I couldn't get the elderly in nursing homes out of my head, and heart. I wanted to do something for them.

Anway, as my two loyal readers know, I did become a licensed massage therapist. I have my own practice, and I've been doing it long enough that I'm starting to know what I'm doing. In other words, I'm starting to help people get rid of pain. And that's cool.

Also, my kids did begin homeschooling in September. While their education so far hasn't had quite the breadth and depth that I'd like it to have going forward, we must remember that detoxing from public shchool life takes time for all involved.

They have learned some things, like reading, writing, math, scripture. They've also learned that there ARE other kids who do not go to public/private school. And that their mom's liable to do just about ANY DAMN THING so WATCH OUT FOR HER! She's a take charge kind of gal who loves them, admits her mistakes, and is 100% committed to creating a God-centered, joy-filled life with them. And when she says "GO TO YOUR ROOM," and "NO MORE JUNK FOOD IN THE HOUSE!" she really, really means it.

(Except on Valentine's Day. Shhhh!)

As for the health thing, well, I haven't had a sip of alcohol since October of 2009. I've flirted with Dr. Fuhrman's Eat for Health/Eat to Live program, sometimes with much success and sometimes with a lot of ice cream, diet soda and nachos with cheese. But for the most part I'm back on a vegetarian diet.

And most recently, I started going to a nursing home for my church, bringing the Eucharist to those who want it. I've only gone a couple of times but it's nice. It's a start.

I have stepped out of my coccoon but I keep it in a corner up in my bedroom so I can crawl back in from time to time.

My next hurdles are getting to bed earlier, getting up earlier and spending at least 15-30 minutes a day fixing some major clutter and decor problems in my house. Exercise too but, hey, I have to take things slow. As evidenced by my archives detailing these exact same goals going back to 2004, these things take time.

Years, even.